Seriously. I'd say these fuckers are all going to hell but that's obviously where they're spawned.
I'm planning to move house so I need to deal with these scumbags while looking for a new rental property. The rental market in Melbourne is tight to say the least right now and there's a lot of competition for decent places when they're available. That I can live with but these piece of shit real estate agents don't have to start acting like arrogant pricks just because they can.
One agent in particular is on my shit list. In all their ads they specify that you can't even look at a property until after the existing tenants move out. Tenancy laws in Australia allow for at least one inspection to be arranged, even if the existing tenant is being difficult they have to agree to one. So the fact that this agent won't organise say, half an hour where everyone who's interested can have a quick look points to one of two things:
One, they're lazy pricks.
Two, the evil fuckers are hiding something about the property.
Neither of these options speaks well of the agent in question. This particular agent even advertises properties without giving a figure for the rent - they say "offers invited". Yes, fight amongst yourself little fishies, debase yourself for our amusement. I want to move but I'm not desperate so I'm not going to be fucked over by these vermin. I'll wait until circumstances are right and won't tie myself in knots in the meantime.
And there's no way I'm dealing with this one particular scumbag agent. On the off chance any real estate agent reads this and wonders why they're so hated, it's because you're evil, lying worthless scum and you fucking well deserve to be hated.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Inappropriate Valentines
On this auspicious Hallmark festival, I thought I'd provide you some of my wisdom. Valentine's Day is all well and good if you're in to that sort of thing, but heed my warnings:
1. It's possible to push things too far
2. Being "individual" is fine but there's such a thing as being too individual.
Allow me to illustrate with a video:
Of course, I think it's perfectly valid to ignore Valentine's Day altogether (I didn't but if you want your significant other to kill you go right ahead). But if you're in a bah, humbug mood (or whatever the equivalent for Valentine's Day is) you could always try these anti-valentines (thanks to engtech for pointing to these).
1. It's possible to push things too far
2. Being "individual" is fine but there's such a thing as being too individual.
Allow me to illustrate with a video:
Of course, I think it's perfectly valid to ignore Valentine's Day altogether (I didn't but if you want your significant other to kill you go right ahead). But if you're in a bah, humbug mood (or whatever the equivalent for Valentine's Day is) you could always try these anti-valentines (thanks to engtech for pointing to these).
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Packaging is driving me crazy
I just spent ten minutes of my lunch hour wrestling with a fucking packet of sliced ham because I couldn't get the fucking thing to open. I found the little tab on the edge of the seal that is supposed to make it easy to open but that didn't help. I pulled and pulled to no avail. Admittedly, the fact that I am a weak little girly-man was a big contributor to the problem but still, the packaging was ridiculous.
This isn't even the usual problem with fucked-up food packaging. Usually, the biggest issue is that the seal starts to come off but then it rips when you've partially opened it. Leaving the remains of the seal in place makes getting the contents out a bastard of a job but trying to rip off the remainder of the seal ends up taking forever and making a horrible fucking mess.
In this case my solution was to find a sharp knife and cut open the packet. This solved my initial problem (now I could actually get at the ham to make a sandwich) but now I can't re-seal the packet. So now the ham's probably going to go off before I finish eating it. Hopefully I won't continue to eat it after it's gone off - that never works out well.
And what is it with some drinks you buy having a seal under the lid? This would be less frustrating if (a) you could get the fucking seals off without spilling drink everywhere and (b) if all drinks had the seal. When only some drinks have the seal, you never know whether or not you have to unscrew the fucking lid before having a drink.
They go to all the trouble of putting one of those pop top lids on the bottle (this usually happens with bottled water and/or sports drinks) which makes the bottle convenient. But then you pop the top and nothing comes out. If you're like me you spend a few seconds sucking on the bottle wondering what the fucking problem is. If you're lucky, you're smarter than me and this isn't such an issue.
And don't even get me started on the packaging used on non-food items like electronic gadgets. That double thick plastic they use that's triple sealed along the edges just will not fucking come apart when you want to open the packet. I've read that this is an anti-theft measure but seriously, can't they cut us consumers some slack? We're not all thieves, some of us would like to be able to open products after we buy them.
When I hear stories of how Cheney and his cronies at Halliburton fucked over the soldiers in Iraq by taking billions of dollars to "outfit" them and then not giving them adequate (or any) armour, I think "send them some of this packaging plastic". Wrap their vehicles in this stuff and no amount of IED's are going to cause any problems. Mind you, there would be some issue with getting the soldiers out of the vehicles once you'd sealed them in but you can't have everything.
This isn't even the usual problem with fucked-up food packaging. Usually, the biggest issue is that the seal starts to come off but then it rips when you've partially opened it. Leaving the remains of the seal in place makes getting the contents out a bastard of a job but trying to rip off the remainder of the seal ends up taking forever and making a horrible fucking mess.
In this case my solution was to find a sharp knife and cut open the packet. This solved my initial problem (now I could actually get at the ham to make a sandwich) but now I can't re-seal the packet. So now the ham's probably going to go off before I finish eating it. Hopefully I won't continue to eat it after it's gone off - that never works out well.
And what is it with some drinks you buy having a seal under the lid? This would be less frustrating if (a) you could get the fucking seals off without spilling drink everywhere and (b) if all drinks had the seal. When only some drinks have the seal, you never know whether or not you have to unscrew the fucking lid before having a drink.
They go to all the trouble of putting one of those pop top lids on the bottle (this usually happens with bottled water and/or sports drinks) which makes the bottle convenient. But then you pop the top and nothing comes out. If you're like me you spend a few seconds sucking on the bottle wondering what the fucking problem is. If you're lucky, you're smarter than me and this isn't such an issue.
And don't even get me started on the packaging used on non-food items like electronic gadgets. That double thick plastic they use that's triple sealed along the edges just will not fucking come apart when you want to open the packet. I've read that this is an anti-theft measure but seriously, can't they cut us consumers some slack? We're not all thieves, some of us would like to be able to open products after we buy them.
When I hear stories of how Cheney and his cronies at Halliburton fucked over the soldiers in Iraq by taking billions of dollars to "outfit" them and then not giving them adequate (or any) armour, I think "send them some of this packaging plastic". Wrap their vehicles in this stuff and no amount of IED's are going to cause any problems. Mind you, there would be some issue with getting the soldiers out of the vehicles once you'd sealed them in but you can't have everything.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Mr Angry moves one step closer to world domination
Readers with good memories will recall that last year I did some videos for a show called The Fizz on the DirecTV network in the states. The magic of the internet lets me perform for a TV show I'll never see. Well, the big news for me is that the producers of The Fizz have been given the go ahead for a new series which they're calling The Fizz Newzz. The format will be a news review type of show and there will be two new episodes a month for six months.
And I'm determined to be on every one of them.
The Fizz guys let me know about the new show and encouraged me to submit videos saying how much they liked the previous material I had submitted (note to the world in general - flattery works extremely well on me). And of course, a news review format works well for me, seeing as how that's the approach I take for about half of my videos.
All of which is evidence that you don't have to be noticed by everybody, you just have to be noticed by the right people. While I have some dedicated fans on YouTube, I'm barely a blip on the radar with around 600 subscribers. You need 20,000 subscribers to crack the top 20 on YouTube and you need more than 5,000 subscribers just to be in the top 100 "channels". But subscribers alone won't make you money. I'm yet to make my fortune via The Fizz but they did pay for the flights to New Zealand on my recent holiday.
While being paid by The Fizz is nice, being able to say I've been on TV is far more valuable. The more cutting edge and forward thinking producers are looking to media like YouTube for new ideas. The less imaginative but higher up the food chain producers are much more likely to notice someone who's already been featured on a TV show, even when it's a niche show like The Fizz.
And all of it happening outside Australia. This is, as I've mentioned before, the best possible method of progression for me, for two reasons. First, the serious action (and money) is in the USA. Not to indulge in too much cultural cringe but the Australian market for TV and film is about 1% of what's on offer in the US. Second, I'd rather not get too well know in Australia until I'm earning enough as Mr Angry to give up my day job. I'd like to quit being an IT worker when it suits me instead of finding it impossible to get work because everyone is freaked out at the concept of having Mr Angry work for them.
So I proceed by stealth until I am ready to crush my enemies. When my power has grown everyone on THE LIST pays! Every prick who's ever pissed me off will feel the wrath of Mr Angry. I never forget. Oh, and I'll be hiring my faithful posse members to mete out justice (I'm looking at you Sandra).
Oh well, I can dream.
And I'm determined to be on every one of them.
The Fizz guys let me know about the new show and encouraged me to submit videos saying how much they liked the previous material I had submitted (note to the world in general - flattery works extremely well on me). And of course, a news review format works well for me, seeing as how that's the approach I take for about half of my videos.
All of which is evidence that you don't have to be noticed by everybody, you just have to be noticed by the right people. While I have some dedicated fans on YouTube, I'm barely a blip on the radar with around 600 subscribers. You need 20,000 subscribers to crack the top 20 on YouTube and you need more than 5,000 subscribers just to be in the top 100 "channels". But subscribers alone won't make you money. I'm yet to make my fortune via The Fizz but they did pay for the flights to New Zealand on my recent holiday.
While being paid by The Fizz is nice, being able to say I've been on TV is far more valuable. The more cutting edge and forward thinking producers are looking to media like YouTube for new ideas. The less imaginative but higher up the food chain producers are much more likely to notice someone who's already been featured on a TV show, even when it's a niche show like The Fizz.
And all of it happening outside Australia. This is, as I've mentioned before, the best possible method of progression for me, for two reasons. First, the serious action (and money) is in the USA. Not to indulge in too much cultural cringe but the Australian market for TV and film is about 1% of what's on offer in the US. Second, I'd rather not get too well know in Australia until I'm earning enough as Mr Angry to give up my day job. I'd like to quit being an IT worker when it suits me instead of finding it impossible to get work because everyone is freaked out at the concept of having Mr Angry work for them.
So I proceed by stealth until I am ready to crush my enemies. When my power has grown everyone on THE LIST pays! Every prick who's ever pissed me off will feel the wrath of Mr Angry. I never forget. Oh, and I'll be hiring my faithful posse members to mete out justice (I'm looking at you Sandra).
Oh well, I can dream.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Some Sunday Videos
Yes, I know, an all video weekend. Deal with it.
This first piece is about a psychic research lab at Princeton University that's closing down after nearly three decades in operation. Depending on your point of view, this is either the overdue termination of an embarrassment to science generally and Princeton specifically or... they know something!
The second piece is where I reveal the hidden depths of a character you may already know. The world's most boring yologger reveals he actually has super-powers. And he wants to join the Citizen Hero Brigade.
This first piece is about a psychic research lab at Princeton University that's closing down after nearly three decades in operation. Depending on your point of view, this is either the overdue termination of an embarrassment to science generally and Princeton specifically or... they know something!
The second piece is where I reveal the hidden depths of a character you may already know. The world's most boring yologger reveals he actually has super-powers. And he wants to join the Citizen Hero Brigade.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Some More Angry News Updates
So let me update you on some important news stories that might have slipped by you. First, evidence that Microsoft runs the world: a law is being proposed in New York that could see you fined $100 if you use your iPod while crossing the road:
OK, I'm being deliberately leading with this story. The law would actually impose the same fine for using any electronic device while crossing the road (e.g. mobile phone, Blackberry, portable game unit) but it's more fun to say something inflammatory like you'll get fined for using an iPod.
This second story is about a new product being marketed by Coke that they claim will actually burn calories. Their claims are under investigation by (among others) the Connecticut Attorney General because of the strong suspicion that they're, you know, talking shit.
If it turns out this drink does actually make you lose weight, I wonder what the side effects of drinking excessive amounts of it are? Because you know for sure that people aren't going to limit themselves to three a day if they can lose weight by drinking more.
OK, I'm being deliberately leading with this story. The law would actually impose the same fine for using any electronic device while crossing the road (e.g. mobile phone, Blackberry, portable game unit) but it's more fun to say something inflammatory like you'll get fined for using an iPod.
This second story is about a new product being marketed by Coke that they claim will actually burn calories. Their claims are under investigation by (among others) the Connecticut Attorney General because of the strong suspicion that they're, you know, talking shit.
If it turns out this drink does actually make you lose weight, I wonder what the side effects of drinking excessive amounts of it are? Because you know for sure that people aren't going to limit themselves to three a day if they can lose weight by drinking more.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Why I don't watch TV
Well, to be fair, I watch a lot of TV. But I watch almost no commercial broadcast TV and I definitely never watch any of their stupid fucked-up so-called current affairs reporting shows. A truly appalling example of what I fucking hate about these piece of shit infotainment shows has just been perpetrated.
It all starts on YouTube. Which I like. One of the highest profile YouTubers who goes by the user name of Boh3m3 does a video entitled "The Australians are fooling us all". I have no idea what prompted him to do this, but it was a fairly innocent little piss-take where he rips on Australians, mostly to do with Vegemite. Here's the video:
He wound up a lot of Australians and got a lot of responses. Most of the responses seemed to get the joke but a disturbing number seemed deeply affronted. Then the true horror begins... This was actually featured on a prime-time current affairs show as a fucking "news" item:
Now, I get that this is actually supposed to be a piss-take on the show but it's just fucking embarrassing that making a big scene about this is worth three fucking minutes of airtime! I just cringed in horror while watching this video. Which I watched on YouTube - I would have no idea that it had been broadcast otherwise (see my previous note on not watching this fucked up piece of shit tabloid show.)
Boh3m3 of course responded to the news that he'd been on Australian TV:
I was actually at a loss as to what this melding of YouTube and tabloid TV meant, but fortunately, I received a message from the future that explained it all: this is the end of civilisation as we know it.
You heard it here first, folks! The Vegemite wars are coming! Choose your side wisely.
It all starts on YouTube. Which I like. One of the highest profile YouTubers who goes by the user name of Boh3m3 does a video entitled "The Australians are fooling us all". I have no idea what prompted him to do this, but it was a fairly innocent little piss-take where he rips on Australians, mostly to do with Vegemite. Here's the video:
He wound up a lot of Australians and got a lot of responses. Most of the responses seemed to get the joke but a disturbing number seemed deeply affronted. Then the true horror begins... This was actually featured on a prime-time current affairs show as a fucking "news" item:
Now, I get that this is actually supposed to be a piss-take on the show but it's just fucking embarrassing that making a big scene about this is worth three fucking minutes of airtime! I just cringed in horror while watching this video. Which I watched on YouTube - I would have no idea that it had been broadcast otherwise (see my previous note on not watching this fucked up piece of shit tabloid show.)
Boh3m3 of course responded to the news that he'd been on Australian TV:
I was actually at a loss as to what this melding of YouTube and tabloid TV meant, but fortunately, I received a message from the future that explained it all: this is the end of civilisation as we know it.
You heard it here first, folks! The Vegemite wars are coming! Choose your side wisely.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Nazis are lazy
I've shared my adventures in dealing with self-proclaimed Nazis and other racists on YouTube in a number of posts in the past. About a month ago I got sick of dealing with them and simply stopped allowing comments on the videos in question. After 500 - 600 comments on each video, all that could possibly be said had already been said. Any comments still coming in were simply repetitive and pointless.
At first I had some misgivings about closing the comments. Not because of any "free speech" issues, I'd let the ignorant fuckers rant on at length already and besides, they could always make their own videos putting forward their point of view if they wanted to. I had some worry that these videos might be idiot magnets and with the ability to comment on them taken away, the morons might spill over into my other videos and/or this blog.
I did see some signs of this at first and I gave some thought to going back and re-opening comments but I decided to bide my time and see how things developed. What I discovered was this: Nazis are lazy. Every now and then one of them makes a racist comment on one of my other videos and I've deleted two or three comments that crept onto this blog but all in all, their obnoxious stupidity hasn't spread very far.
It seems that most of these drooling troglodytes are stopped in their tracks when they are unable to comment directly on a video where I suggest that just maybe Nazism isn't favoured by the vast majority of thinking humans. That's another funny thing: I never realised criticising self-proclaimed Nazis was so contentious. It seemed like a no-brainer to me. It seems I had too high an opinion of humanity and didn't realise how many no-brain losers actually had access to a computer and internet connection.
Clicking on the link to another of my videos (let alone going to the trouble of clicking through to this blog) seems too difficult for 99% of the "master race". If anyone had any fears of large scale Nazism rising again, let me put those concerns to rest. These idiots certainly exist and they make inroads in some political circles in some countries but there's no danger of them taking over the world.
They're too fucking lazy.
At first I had some misgivings about closing the comments. Not because of any "free speech" issues, I'd let the ignorant fuckers rant on at length already and besides, they could always make their own videos putting forward their point of view if they wanted to. I had some worry that these videos might be idiot magnets and with the ability to comment on them taken away, the morons might spill over into my other videos and/or this blog.
I did see some signs of this at first and I gave some thought to going back and re-opening comments but I decided to bide my time and see how things developed. What I discovered was this: Nazis are lazy. Every now and then one of them makes a racist comment on one of my other videos and I've deleted two or three comments that crept onto this blog but all in all, their obnoxious stupidity hasn't spread very far.
It seems that most of these drooling troglodytes are stopped in their tracks when they are unable to comment directly on a video where I suggest that just maybe Nazism isn't favoured by the vast majority of thinking humans. That's another funny thing: I never realised criticising self-proclaimed Nazis was so contentious. It seemed like a no-brainer to me. It seems I had too high an opinion of humanity and didn't realise how many no-brain losers actually had access to a computer and internet connection.
Clicking on the link to another of my videos (let alone going to the trouble of clicking through to this blog) seems too difficult for 99% of the "master race". If anyone had any fears of large scale Nazism rising again, let me put those concerns to rest. These idiots certainly exist and they make inroads in some political circles in some countries but there's no danger of them taking over the world.
They're too fucking lazy.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
The worst boss in the world
Most people want to bitch about their boss at some point. Some people are in the unfortunate position of having a boss who makes every day a misery. The lucky few have a boss who is an inspiration and makes their job a pleasure. So if I'm going to write about the qualities of a boss I could approach it from a positive angle ("be like this") or a negative angle ("don't be like this").
I'm going negative - it's more fun.
My experience of working in a specialised field like IT is that the more effort an individual has put in to reach their position (i.e. the amount of training and/or experience they have) the less tolerant they are of others who perform their role poorly. In short, I've never heard anyone complain more about their boss than IT workers do. If I was being completely fair I'd also go into some detail about what makes a bad IT worker. In fact, I may do that in another post. But today is all about the catharsis of ripping on bad bosses.
Thankfully, bosses who indulge in criminal abuse of their staff are few and far between. Physical abuse and/or threats, intimidation, sexual harassment, racism... any boss at this end of the spectrum deserves jail time. I remember reading about one boss in the public service in Australia who was eventually fired after one of the staff recorded one of his abuse sessions (apparently this boss didn't realise many laptops have built-in video cameras).
He was recorded trying to bully an employee into accepting responsibility for a speeding fine he (the boss) had incurred. The boss initially justified his demand by saying he'd lose his license if he got another speeding infringement and refusing to help him out was disloyal. When the staff member refused to sign a statement saying she was driving the car when it was caught on a speed camera, the boss commenced screaming, made several disparaging comments about the worker's sexual preferences and promised her she'd lose her job. It didn't quite work out the way he wanted.
The scariest boss I ever had ran a strip club where I was working. Yes, I worked in a strip club. No I wasn't a stripper. Shut the hell up, I could so have earned a living as a stripper if I had wanted to. If you pissed this bloke off, he conducted a "business meeting" to review your transgression with a baseball bat sitting on his desk. I shit you not. This and his reputed Mob connections eventually compelled me to run screaming for the hills.
So, ignoring outright criminal behaviour, here is my guide to being the worst boss in the world:
Be inconsistent I've worked in sweatshop environments that were tolerable because there were no illusions. We knew what to expect every day and we knew what we were being paid to endure it. Any time this wasn't acceptable we could (and did) bail. The good days in an inconsistent workplace aren't good enough to compensate for the constant fear that it's going to be a bad day.
Criticise publicly and give no praise at all Everybody screws up sometimes but if your goal is to actually get better performance from people, a private discussion works far better than public humiliation. Some people even do well sometimes. Never underestimate the positive impact of publicly praising someone, particularly when they've done something well that may not be particularly high profile.
Refuse to accept responsibility More than once I've followed a manager's instructions explicitly and been told later I'd done the wrong thing. My worst ever boss was a chronic offender in this area, to the point where I always preserved a paper trail to prove I was following her instructions. Even when presented with this evidence she refused to accept responsibility.
Avoid making decisions This is a classic bad manager tactic - don't make any decisions, don't give any directions then you can't possibly blamed when something goes wrong, right? Maybe you'll get away with it in some workplaces but this lack of leadership is a recipe for disaster. Have the guts to do your job - you know, be the boss.
Don't defend your team It isn't the boss's job to make excuses for incompetence but it is the boss's job to represent the team's best interests. Too often I've seen bosses reflexively blame their team for situations that weren't the team's fault. This type of boss seems to think if they blame someone else they don't have to defend themselves. This is a close cousin to:
Claim credit and apportion blame All too often I've been on an IT team where we started to think we were invisible. We never had any positive feedback from senior management because our direct boss would place themselves between us and management meaning we were never recognised for good work. Then something would go wrong and we would suddenly become visible.
Be ignorant and proud of it I'm not one of those people who think IT bosses have to be technical geniuses - in fact it's often counter-productive if they're too deeply immersed in the technology. But when you have resources that know more than you, don't belittle them for it. Recognise the value of their expertise.
Be a slave to "the rules" I'm usually a fan of a disciplined and consistent approach to process. But if someone comes up with a better alternative or is able to show where an existing process won't work... LISTEN! Saying "that's how we always do things" doesn't cut it. Do something because it's the right thing to do, not because "it's the rules".
There are probably a thousand more ways to be a bad boss. I have a suspicion I may be hearing about a few in the comments.
I'm going negative - it's more fun.
My experience of working in a specialised field like IT is that the more effort an individual has put in to reach their position (i.e. the amount of training and/or experience they have) the less tolerant they are of others who perform their role poorly. In short, I've never heard anyone complain more about their boss than IT workers do. If I was being completely fair I'd also go into some detail about what makes a bad IT worker. In fact, I may do that in another post. But today is all about the catharsis of ripping on bad bosses.
Thankfully, bosses who indulge in criminal abuse of their staff are few and far between. Physical abuse and/or threats, intimidation, sexual harassment, racism... any boss at this end of the spectrum deserves jail time. I remember reading about one boss in the public service in Australia who was eventually fired after one of the staff recorded one of his abuse sessions (apparently this boss didn't realise many laptops have built-in video cameras).
He was recorded trying to bully an employee into accepting responsibility for a speeding fine he (the boss) had incurred. The boss initially justified his demand by saying he'd lose his license if he got another speeding infringement and refusing to help him out was disloyal. When the staff member refused to sign a statement saying she was driving the car when it was caught on a speed camera, the boss commenced screaming, made several disparaging comments about the worker's sexual preferences and promised her she'd lose her job. It didn't quite work out the way he wanted.
The scariest boss I ever had ran a strip club where I was working. Yes, I worked in a strip club. No I wasn't a stripper. Shut the hell up, I could so have earned a living as a stripper if I had wanted to. If you pissed this bloke off, he conducted a "business meeting" to review your transgression with a baseball bat sitting on his desk. I shit you not. This and his reputed Mob connections eventually compelled me to run screaming for the hills.
So, ignoring outright criminal behaviour, here is my guide to being the worst boss in the world:
Be inconsistent I've worked in sweatshop environments that were tolerable because there were no illusions. We knew what to expect every day and we knew what we were being paid to endure it. Any time this wasn't acceptable we could (and did) bail. The good days in an inconsistent workplace aren't good enough to compensate for the constant fear that it's going to be a bad day.
Criticise publicly and give no praise at all Everybody screws up sometimes but if your goal is to actually get better performance from people, a private discussion works far better than public humiliation. Some people even do well sometimes. Never underestimate the positive impact of publicly praising someone, particularly when they've done something well that may not be particularly high profile.
Refuse to accept responsibility More than once I've followed a manager's instructions explicitly and been told later I'd done the wrong thing. My worst ever boss was a chronic offender in this area, to the point where I always preserved a paper trail to prove I was following her instructions. Even when presented with this evidence she refused to accept responsibility.
Avoid making decisions This is a classic bad manager tactic - don't make any decisions, don't give any directions then you can't possibly blamed when something goes wrong, right? Maybe you'll get away with it in some workplaces but this lack of leadership is a recipe for disaster. Have the guts to do your job - you know, be the boss.
Don't defend your team It isn't the boss's job to make excuses for incompetence but it is the boss's job to represent the team's best interests. Too often I've seen bosses reflexively blame their team for situations that weren't the team's fault. This type of boss seems to think if they blame someone else they don't have to defend themselves. This is a close cousin to:
Claim credit and apportion blame All too often I've been on an IT team where we started to think we were invisible. We never had any positive feedback from senior management because our direct boss would place themselves between us and management meaning we were never recognised for good work. Then something would go wrong and we would suddenly become visible.
Be ignorant and proud of it I'm not one of those people who think IT bosses have to be technical geniuses - in fact it's often counter-productive if they're too deeply immersed in the technology. But when you have resources that know more than you, don't belittle them for it. Recognise the value of their expertise.
Be a slave to "the rules" I'm usually a fan of a disciplined and consistent approach to process. But if someone comes up with a better alternative or is able to show where an existing process won't work... LISTEN! Saying "that's how we always do things" doesn't cut it. Do something because it's the right thing to do, not because "it's the rules".
There are probably a thousand more ways to be a bad boss. I have a suspicion I may be hearing about a few in the comments.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
YouTube and copyright - Who is the greediest?
A lot of people are discussing the latest tiff involving copyrighted material and YouTube. Viacom (parent company of MTV and Comedy Central, among others) have issued YouTube with an order to take down 100,00 videos they claim are infringing their copyrights. A lot of media are reporting this as a black eye for YouTube but I'll take a wild guess and say the Google/YouTube attitude can be summed up as "see if we fucking care." It's hard to imagine the removal of 100,00 videos having much impact on a site that sees around a million video uploads every day.
BoingBoing do a good job of pointing out that this action goes beyond obnoxious to the point where it may well be illegal. There are a lot of competing forces and motivations at work here but it's hard to avoid the conclusion that the dominant one, for pretty much all parties, is greed.
The most obviously greedy parties are the film/TV/music publishing conglomerates who seem to think that it's their god-given right to be paid again and again and again for the same thing. Although this isn't really the issue here, it seriously pisses me off that it isn't enough when we, the consumers, pay for a legal copy of something. These companies think they have the right to dictate what we can do with something after we purchase it. What devices we can play our legally purchased entertainment on. Where we can enjoy it. Fuck these companies. They know they can't beat criminal pirates and profiteers so they fuck over the soft targets - us.
The one that that gives me a sense of satisfaction is that the actions of these companies are so brain-bendingly wrong that they are essentially committing a slow and painful suicide. Ask any marketing maven what's the best sort of advertising and they'll tell you: word of mouth. Actual recommendation from real people who truly love a product. They spend millions faking this. And who is the most common target of the legal actions taken by these companies? The most passionate evangelising fans they supposedly want so much.
There are a lot of complexities to the situation, not least a fear that many companies express: if we don't actively seek to protect our property from everyone then we'll have no defence against the really serious abuses of criminals who are straight up stealing and making bootlegs for commercial gain. The fact that this reasoning is neither logical nor legally accurate (it's a conflation of trademark dilution with copyright - a legal fallacy) doesn't seem to bother the companies in question.
The most flattering thing I can say about these companies is that they're confused and scared. They don't understand what's happening and they're scared of being left behind. Google have come along and invented (or at least improved and popularised) a whole new industry - ad supported targeted search - that's making them billions. Content owners of various stripes think to themselves:
"Hey, Google couldn't sell ads if people weren't looking for our content. They're making all those billions off our property! I want those billions!"
Note that I didn't say content creators. While many content creators are similarly up in arms it's the big publishing companies that are behind this. The actual creators of content rarely make much money. Of the billions made worldwide by the entertainment industries, probably less than 1% goes to the people who actually created the content.
Google (for example) is taking nothing away from these companies. They are opening up potentially huge and lucrative new markets. Revenue streams beyond the wildest dreams of these greedy fucks. But they can't look beyond "someone else is making money and I want it."
To be fair, there's abundant evidence of considerable greed on Google's part. Their business is built on the fact that other people have created content that users want to find. They're making billions off this fact. And any smart businessperson would want to keep as much of that for themselves as possible. And steadfastly maintaining the line "we're not making money from your content, we're making money from our technology" is ethically a grey area at best.
Plus, the arrogance repeatedly displayed by Google has to be pretty grating. We're smart, you're dumb, do what we say and everything will be all right. Even when they're right, that sort of talk pisses people off. I can imagine a conversation at GooTube proceeding like the following exchange:
Entertainment Company: You're making money from our content.
GooTube: We're giving you free advertising. You don't understand how this generation thinks. They don't watch TV, the go online for entertainment. We're delivering the next generation to you, you should be thanking us.
EC: But you should share all the money you're making from advertising with us. You wouldn't be making that money without us!
GT: Your content is a tiny fraction of the hundreds of millions of videos on our site. We don't need your content, you need us.
EC: But people are seeing our stuff without paying! We want more money!
GT: We've changed our mind - you pay us for the privilege of being on our site.
EC: That's it! We demand you remove all our copyrighted material!
GT: Whatever. Don't let the door smack you on the ass on the way out.
And to bring it back to YouTube, there's greed of a different sort being displayed by the users who upload copyrighted material. It's the greed for attention. For all the high-minded talk of community and sharing I think it's fair to say users who upload quality content created by other people are hoping for some reflected coolness to rub off on themselves. They want people to watch what they've put up and think they're cool for having posted it. This is a relatively small sin but I think people need to be honest about their motivations.
For my part, I'm really greedy for attention for my original work. So I'd be really happy if all these TV, movie and music clips fucked right off. I really think YouTube is untouchable on this front. Maybe I'm too close to the whole "community" part of YouTube to see the importance of these clips to the continued health of the site. The most popular "channels" are either original content creators or officially sponsored corporate ones. Maybe usage would die off if every unauthorised clip was taken down but I'd doubt it.
The thing is, Google have at least as much money to fight this cause as anyone who's going to come after them. Plus, Google are the experts in this field - the entertainment companies are started from a position of ignorance. Greed, ignorance and huge egos - what a combination. The big entertainment companies have fucked actual entertainers and audiences for years.
The time may have come for them to realise that it they don't make nice and hold hands it will be their turn to bend over and take it.
BoingBoing do a good job of pointing out that this action goes beyond obnoxious to the point where it may well be illegal. There are a lot of competing forces and motivations at work here but it's hard to avoid the conclusion that the dominant one, for pretty much all parties, is greed.
The most obviously greedy parties are the film/TV/music publishing conglomerates who seem to think that it's their god-given right to be paid again and again and again for the same thing. Although this isn't really the issue here, it seriously pisses me off that it isn't enough when we, the consumers, pay for a legal copy of something. These companies think they have the right to dictate what we can do with something after we purchase it. What devices we can play our legally purchased entertainment on. Where we can enjoy it. Fuck these companies. They know they can't beat criminal pirates and profiteers so they fuck over the soft targets - us.
The one that that gives me a sense of satisfaction is that the actions of these companies are so brain-bendingly wrong that they are essentially committing a slow and painful suicide. Ask any marketing maven what's the best sort of advertising and they'll tell you: word of mouth. Actual recommendation from real people who truly love a product. They spend millions faking this. And who is the most common target of the legal actions taken by these companies? The most passionate evangelising fans they supposedly want so much.
There are a lot of complexities to the situation, not least a fear that many companies express: if we don't actively seek to protect our property from everyone then we'll have no defence against the really serious abuses of criminals who are straight up stealing and making bootlegs for commercial gain. The fact that this reasoning is neither logical nor legally accurate (it's a conflation of trademark dilution with copyright - a legal fallacy) doesn't seem to bother the companies in question.
The most flattering thing I can say about these companies is that they're confused and scared. They don't understand what's happening and they're scared of being left behind. Google have come along and invented (or at least improved and popularised) a whole new industry - ad supported targeted search - that's making them billions. Content owners of various stripes think to themselves:
"Hey, Google couldn't sell ads if people weren't looking for our content. They're making all those billions off our property! I want those billions!"
Note that I didn't say content creators. While many content creators are similarly up in arms it's the big publishing companies that are behind this. The actual creators of content rarely make much money. Of the billions made worldwide by the entertainment industries, probably less than 1% goes to the people who actually created the content.
Google (for example) is taking nothing away from these companies. They are opening up potentially huge and lucrative new markets. Revenue streams beyond the wildest dreams of these greedy fucks. But they can't look beyond "someone else is making money and I want it."
To be fair, there's abundant evidence of considerable greed on Google's part. Their business is built on the fact that other people have created content that users want to find. They're making billions off this fact. And any smart businessperson would want to keep as much of that for themselves as possible. And steadfastly maintaining the line "we're not making money from your content, we're making money from our technology" is ethically a grey area at best.
Plus, the arrogance repeatedly displayed by Google has to be pretty grating. We're smart, you're dumb, do what we say and everything will be all right. Even when they're right, that sort of talk pisses people off. I can imagine a conversation at GooTube proceeding like the following exchange:
Entertainment Company: You're making money from our content.
GooTube: We're giving you free advertising. You don't understand how this generation thinks. They don't watch TV, the go online for entertainment. We're delivering the next generation to you, you should be thanking us.
EC: But you should share all the money you're making from advertising with us. You wouldn't be making that money without us!
GT: Your content is a tiny fraction of the hundreds of millions of videos on our site. We don't need your content, you need us.
EC: But people are seeing our stuff without paying! We want more money!
GT: We've changed our mind - you pay us for the privilege of being on our site.
EC: That's it! We demand you remove all our copyrighted material!
GT: Whatever. Don't let the door smack you on the ass on the way out.
And to bring it back to YouTube, there's greed of a different sort being displayed by the users who upload copyrighted material. It's the greed for attention. For all the high-minded talk of community and sharing I think it's fair to say users who upload quality content created by other people are hoping for some reflected coolness to rub off on themselves. They want people to watch what they've put up and think they're cool for having posted it. This is a relatively small sin but I think people need to be honest about their motivations.
For my part, I'm really greedy for attention for my original work. So I'd be really happy if all these TV, movie and music clips fucked right off. I really think YouTube is untouchable on this front. Maybe I'm too close to the whole "community" part of YouTube to see the importance of these clips to the continued health of the site. The most popular "channels" are either original content creators or officially sponsored corporate ones. Maybe usage would die off if every unauthorised clip was taken down but I'd doubt it.
The thing is, Google have at least as much money to fight this cause as anyone who's going to come after them. Plus, Google are the experts in this field - the entertainment companies are started from a position of ignorance. Greed, ignorance and huge egos - what a combination. The big entertainment companies have fucked actual entertainers and audiences for years.
The time may have come for them to realise that it they don't make nice and hold hands it will be their turn to bend over and take it.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Spam Developments
Some readers may remember a while ago that I promised spammers if they left genuine comments on my blog I would leave the link to their commercial site in place. I received several dire warnings that I was inviting a flood of spam but I wasn't worried. The first reason I wasn't worried is that I was confident that the vast majority of spam is launched by bots, so they are capable of responding to my offer.
The second reason is I have no problem with going back on a deal I offer to spammers. Spammers are the scum of the fucking earth. If I received floods of spam that complied with my terms I'd simply delete it anyway. Fuck spammers. So anyway, what was the result of my offer?
Totals valid comments submitted by spammers = 0.
Actually, there might have been one, I'm not sure. It was a very good comment and it did link to a site that was commercial in nature but that doesn't make the commenter by definition a spammer. If it had linked to a porn site or a Viagra site I'd probably assume it was a spammer. An addendum for porn site operators: if you were actually offering decent porn I'd probably leave your link in place.
I have noticed two interesting variables in the spam wars outside of this. One was a tactic that got past Akismet two or three times - leaving a comment spam that lamented how much comment spam my site was subjected to! This spammer at least deserves points for their appreciation of irony.
The second thing is that in the last week, the number of comment spam being reported by Akismet has slowed from a flood of hundreds a day to a tiny trickle. Sometimes as few as three comment spam in a day. I have no idea what is behind this. There are a lot of possibilities but the most likely one is that Wordpress (or someone else) are blocking them at the server level. If that's the case, good on you!
In the meantime, I continue to lobby governments around the world to impose the death penalty for spamming. I continue to be disappointed with the results. The only positive responses I have received are from several African countries. I don't know if I should associate with them - they keep asking for my bank account details so they can deposit large sums of money.
The second reason is I have no problem with going back on a deal I offer to spammers. Spammers are the scum of the fucking earth. If I received floods of spam that complied with my terms I'd simply delete it anyway. Fuck spammers. So anyway, what was the result of my offer?
Totals valid comments submitted by spammers = 0.
Actually, there might have been one, I'm not sure. It was a very good comment and it did link to a site that was commercial in nature but that doesn't make the commenter by definition a spammer. If it had linked to a porn site or a Viagra site I'd probably assume it was a spammer. An addendum for porn site operators: if you were actually offering decent porn I'd probably leave your link in place.
I have noticed two interesting variables in the spam wars outside of this. One was a tactic that got past Akismet two or three times - leaving a comment spam that lamented how much comment spam my site was subjected to! This spammer at least deserves points for their appreciation of irony.
The second thing is that in the last week, the number of comment spam being reported by Akismet has slowed from a flood of hundreds a day to a tiny trickle. Sometimes as few as three comment spam in a day. I have no idea what is behind this. There are a lot of possibilities but the most likely one is that Wordpress (or someone else) are blocking them at the server level. If that's the case, good on you!
In the meantime, I continue to lobby governments around the world to impose the death penalty for spamming. I continue to be disappointed with the results. The only positive responses I have received are from several African countries. I don't know if I should associate with them - they keep asking for my bank account details so they can deposit large sums of money.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Some weekend video goodness
Apologies to those readers who can't actually watch the videos but it's the weekend. I don't feel like being excessively angry. So here's some angriness as I prepared earlier.
This first piece expresses my anger at choosing the wrong career path. I should have been a private investigator. Why? Because some councils in Melbourne are paying private investigators to have sex with prostitutes. You see, in Melbourne, prostitution is legal so it's an administrative job to make sure they're following the rules, run by government agencies not a legal matter handled by police. Brothels are a business like any other.
Well, not like any other.
In IT, we only get fucked metaphorically by bad management. I suppose as a punchline I could have used a "private dick" joke. But that would have been gratuitous.
This next piece is a response about authorities in Boston getting their knickers in a knot about some coloured lights. The promoters of the upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie put some Lite Brite type signs up in about half a dozen US cities featuring one of the characters from the cartoon. Now, admittedly, it's worth checking out unknown objects to make sure they aren't bombs or anything similar but the authorities in Boston acted like complete fucking morons.
If anyone wants to rush to their defence, tell me this: why was there no panic in six other cities? Why were they in Boston for two weeks without causing a panic. When, after being told by Turner Broadcasting (the parent company of Cartoon Network, who broadcast Aqua Teen Hunger Force) that it was a publicity campaign did they continue to act like idiots. Why are they trying to charge the perpetrators with essentially deliberately causing a bomb scare when this is obviously not their intent?
The answer seems to be that in this day and age, the authorities don't like to be fucked with. They may be completely in the wrong, but don't dare call them on it. You've given up all your liberties in the name of safety. Despite what Benjamin Franklin might have to say on the topic.
Although several of my YouTube subscribers had suggested that I do a piece on this topic I wasn't going to touch it because it seemed like everyone was having a go. And I do so like to be an individual. But then I received a message from the future...
This first piece expresses my anger at choosing the wrong career path. I should have been a private investigator. Why? Because some councils in Melbourne are paying private investigators to have sex with prostitutes. You see, in Melbourne, prostitution is legal so it's an administrative job to make sure they're following the rules, run by government agencies not a legal matter handled by police. Brothels are a business like any other.
Well, not like any other.
In IT, we only get fucked metaphorically by bad management. I suppose as a punchline I could have used a "private dick" joke. But that would have been gratuitous.
This next piece is a response about authorities in Boston getting their knickers in a knot about some coloured lights. The promoters of the upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie put some Lite Brite type signs up in about half a dozen US cities featuring one of the characters from the cartoon. Now, admittedly, it's worth checking out unknown objects to make sure they aren't bombs or anything similar but the authorities in Boston acted like complete fucking morons.
If anyone wants to rush to their defence, tell me this: why was there no panic in six other cities? Why were they in Boston for two weeks without causing a panic. When, after being told by Turner Broadcasting (the parent company of Cartoon Network, who broadcast Aqua Teen Hunger Force) that it was a publicity campaign did they continue to act like idiots. Why are they trying to charge the perpetrators with essentially deliberately causing a bomb scare when this is obviously not their intent?
The answer seems to be that in this day and age, the authorities don't like to be fucked with. They may be completely in the wrong, but don't dare call them on it. You've given up all your liberties in the name of safety. Despite what Benjamin Franklin might have to say on the topic.
Although several of my YouTube subscribers had suggested that I do a piece on this topic I wasn't going to touch it because it seemed like everyone was having a go. And I do so like to be an individual. But then I received a message from the future...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
I blame all my behaviour on sleeping pills
Inspired by Wallstrip's week of medical stories, I decided to do an Angry News video on Howard's favourite drug, the sleeping pill known as Ambien in the US and Stilnox in Australia. It's reputed to cause some really weird side-effects, from hallucinations to people performing weird activities while asleep.
My favourite was the woman who claimed to have woken up with a paint brush in her hand. It turns out she was painting the front door in her sleep. I think the drug maker should use this aspect for marketing. Could you imagine how much better some relationships would be if household chore were getting done while people slept?
From now on, this will be my excuse for people who think I have no life because of all this blogging and video making. It isn't me - it's the sleeping pills. I do all this stuff in my sleep!
My favourite was the woman who claimed to have woken up with a paint brush in her hand. It turns out she was painting the front door in her sleep. I think the drug maker should use this aspect for marketing. Could you imagine how much better some relationships would be if household chore were getting done while people slept?
From now on, this will be my excuse for people who think I have no life because of all this blogging and video making. It isn't me - it's the sleeping pills. I do all this stuff in my sleep!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Stupid revenge on my ex
I think we can all agree that all of our exes are idiots, right? I mean, they may have some redeeming features but if they weren't idiots they'd still be with us, right? Because I know my readers. My readers are high quality people. And WE got rid of THEM. Any appearances to the contrary are optical illusions or the misguided gossipping of other idiots who don't know what REALLY happened.
If you're anything like me you will have little private revenges against your ex. Nothing drastic like planting grass seeds in their clothing or wrecking their car or setting them on fire. No, I mean little things that they'll never know about. Stuff that is essentially meaningless but gives you an outsize sense of satisfaction.
For me, these things usually revolve around things my ex didn't like or wouldn't do. Get your minds out of the gutter. I mean things like she hated a particular TV show so now I watch it all the time (or more often she insisted on watching a really shitty show and I take great pleasure in never watching it now). She didn't like a particular food so now I eat that all the time. Or, my particular favourite, she had a bit of an obsession regarding what was an acceptable pattern on toilet paper.
She couldn't bring herself to wipe her arse on any cute animals so wouldn't buy toilet paper that featured prints of, say, dolphins or puppies. Suffice to say that I now take great pleasure in using cute little puppies to clean up my shit. Sometime I also use toilet paper that has puppies printed on it.
I'm not the only one who does this stuff, right?
If you're anything like me you will have little private revenges against your ex. Nothing drastic like planting grass seeds in their clothing or wrecking their car or setting them on fire. No, I mean little things that they'll never know about. Stuff that is essentially meaningless but gives you an outsize sense of satisfaction.
For me, these things usually revolve around things my ex didn't like or wouldn't do. Get your minds out of the gutter. I mean things like she hated a particular TV show so now I watch it all the time (or more often she insisted on watching a really shitty show and I take great pleasure in never watching it now). She didn't like a particular food so now I eat that all the time. Or, my particular favourite, she had a bit of an obsession regarding what was an acceptable pattern on toilet paper.
She couldn't bring herself to wipe her arse on any cute animals so wouldn't buy toilet paper that featured prints of, say, dolphins or puppies. Suffice to say that I now take great pleasure in using cute little puppies to clean up my shit. Sometime I also use toilet paper that has puppies printed on it.
I'm not the only one who does this stuff, right?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
What do Australians think of Americans?
Here's me trying to piss people off. Well, not really. This video was actually in response to a request from a YouTube subscriber - he's joining the armed forces which will see him being posted overseas and he was interested in how he might be perceived.
It's such a touchy topic that I thought no matter how I handled it, I'd piss people off (both Americans and Australians). As it turned out, there was remarkably little negative reaction and (unsurprisingly) what negative comments there were missed the point completely.
And so now I present for your viewing pleasure: Mr Angry's completely opinionated answer to the question "What do Australians think of Americans?"
The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A7fHJqZ9OM
It's such a touchy topic that I thought no matter how I handled it, I'd piss people off (both Americans and Australians). As it turned out, there was remarkably little negative reaction and (unsurprisingly) what negative comments there were missed the point completely.
And so now I present for your viewing pleasure: Mr Angry's completely opinionated answer to the question "What do Australians think of Americans?"
The URL for this video is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A7fHJqZ9OM
Time to polish my re-org boots
I'm greeted at work today by the wonderful news that there's going to be a company wide re-organisation (AKA the re-org... a popular buzzword) and the structure of my department is going to be upended somewhat. Most of the announcement falls into the "like I give a shit" category but the one thing pushing Mr Angry into angry territory is I'll have to move desks.
Again.
This will be my sixth desk move and fourth building move in just over a year. It's made less of a pain because in this case it's a good idea. But piled up on all of last years moves (which were pretty fucking pointless) it's more than a tad aggravating. The lofty email communication regarding the move made me think of some old Dilbert cartoons.
When the boss says this is all about "alignment... focus... delivering value..." I get the urge to say "Is this an admission that all previous re-orgs were a complete fucking disaster and utter wastes of time? And why should we expect this one to be any different?"
But I don't say that. Not at work anyway. That's what is known in the trade as a "career limiting move." And that's why I keep this blog anonymous.
Again.
This will be my sixth desk move and fourth building move in just over a year. It's made less of a pain because in this case it's a good idea. But piled up on all of last years moves (which were pretty fucking pointless) it's more than a tad aggravating. The lofty email communication regarding the move made me think of some old Dilbert cartoons.
When the boss says this is all about "alignment... focus... delivering value..." I get the urge to say "Is this an admission that all previous re-orgs were a complete fucking disaster and utter wastes of time? And why should we expect this one to be any different?"
But I don't say that. Not at work anyway. That's what is known in the trade as a "career limiting move." And that's why I keep this blog anonymous.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Idiot users and how to deal with them
One of the most common complaints I've heard from IT workers over my years of working in the industry is "users are idiots" or some variant thereof. It's an understandable but ultimately self-defeating attitude. Users are your customers, they're the reason you have a job - treat them badly enough and you won't have them or a job for long.
This is true whether they are literally customers (people who buy a product you make) or metaphorical customers (the people within your company who use the product you develop). This attitude is the primary reason IT workers have a reputation for arrogance in the business world.
This is not a touchy-feely "always put the customer first" post. Some users are truly stupid. Many more, while not being inherently stupid, are capable of behaving in what seem to be incredibly stupid ways. A couple of my favourite examples from previous jobs:
One of the many times I was "lucky" enough to be working in the public service, I was working on the development of a global intranet for a division of the federal government's foreign trade department. This was an intranet to serve over 100 overseas offices and one of the top public servants from Canberra came in to see how it was going. This guy looked like a stereotype of a British major-general with a huge walrus moustache. He gave off a vibe that made it obvious he considered us lucky to be worthy of his attention.
I started the demo I had been giving users from various offices (which had been going quite well with other users). I opened the home page and started to explain how clicking on the various links would let you complete certain tasks and invited him to try it for himself. He did this by picking the mouse up from the desk and trying to use it like a TV remote - pointing it at the part of the screen he wanted to use, clicking madly, then berating me because "it wasn't working". I resisted the urge to ask "are you from the past?"
In another case I was running a training session with a group and one user in particular was having trouble so I was taking him through the process again:
ME: Right click on that link.
HIM: I am!
ME: No, you need to right click. With the right mouse button.
HIM: I know how to use a mouse, I'm clicking it right and it isn't working.
ME: Sorry, I didn't mean right as in "correct". There are two buttons on the mouse; one is on the left side, on is on the right. When I say "right click" I mean click the button on the right hand side. I'm not passing judgement on whether or not you are correct.
HIM: You don't have to talk to me as if I'm stupid.
ME: You reckon?
At this point I absolutely did not trust myself to keep speaking to this person and so called for a break. I bring these stories up firstly to provide a bit of a laugh (hopefully) and second, to illustrate that, yes, we do see some truly stupid user behaviour from time to time. So this is the recurring conundrum faced by IT workers: users behave like idiots but it's a bad idea to treat them like they're stupid because our jobs depend on them.
The first coping strategy I would suggest is the one I described above: take a break. It often doesn't occur to people to stop a conversation that's going nowhere. Do it in the appropriate way, of course. Saying: "Let's get back to this later. I've made a note of your issues and I'll look into them more then get back to you," works way better than "Shut up! You're stupid! I'm not talking to you any more."
Likewise, email doesn't have to be answered instantly (despite what some people seem to think). If you get what you think is a stupid email, take some time to think about a reply. Get a second opinion if you can. Just don't fire off a quick response that makes it clear you think the user is stupid.
It's also important to be able to determine when the "stupid user" behaviour isn't an IT issue at all, even though it's being directed at IT. If a user's system isn't working because of the crap they've installed on their machine ("Download a free animated screen saver? That sounds like a great idea - what could possibly go wrong?") that isn't an IT issue, it's a HR issue because they're misusing their PC. If a user lack basic computer literacy that isn't an IT issue, it's a training issue. If a user keeps bugging individual developers and eating up their time rather than following established channels, that's a management issue.
One of the most important things to learn when dealing with stupid user behaviour is recognising when dealing with a stupid user isn't part of your skill set. Most developers aren't hired for their people skills - it's great if you have good people skills but it's important to be honest (both with yourself and with others) when you don't. That's why Business Analysts, Team Leaders and Project Managers exist. If you're in one of these roles and you have lousy people skills then something is seriously wrong.
At the risk of ending with a platitude, if you aren't part of the solution then you're part of the problem. It's easy to bitch and moan about how stupid users are (all too often it's like shooting fish in a barrel) but that does nothing to make the situation better. In a world where IT work is increasingly commoditised and a wider range of jobs are in danger of being outsourced, people skills become increasingly valuable. So learning how to deal with stupid users can save your job as well as your sanity. I'll borrow from another well-known platitude to close on a positive note:
There are no stupid users - just stupid situations.*
(*caveat: there really are some stupid users)
This is true whether they are literally customers (people who buy a product you make) or metaphorical customers (the people within your company who use the product you develop). This attitude is the primary reason IT workers have a reputation for arrogance in the business world.
This is not a touchy-feely "always put the customer first" post. Some users are truly stupid. Many more, while not being inherently stupid, are capable of behaving in what seem to be incredibly stupid ways. A couple of my favourite examples from previous jobs:
One of the many times I was "lucky" enough to be working in the public service, I was working on the development of a global intranet for a division of the federal government's foreign trade department. This was an intranet to serve over 100 overseas offices and one of the top public servants from Canberra came in to see how it was going. This guy looked like a stereotype of a British major-general with a huge walrus moustache. He gave off a vibe that made it obvious he considered us lucky to be worthy of his attention.
I started the demo I had been giving users from various offices (which had been going quite well with other users). I opened the home page and started to explain how clicking on the various links would let you complete certain tasks and invited him to try it for himself. He did this by picking the mouse up from the desk and trying to use it like a TV remote - pointing it at the part of the screen he wanted to use, clicking madly, then berating me because "it wasn't working". I resisted the urge to ask "are you from the past?"
In another case I was running a training session with a group and one user in particular was having trouble so I was taking him through the process again:
ME: Right click on that link.
HIM: I am!
ME: No, you need to right click. With the right mouse button.
HIM: I know how to use a mouse, I'm clicking it right and it isn't working.
ME: Sorry, I didn't mean right as in "correct". There are two buttons on the mouse; one is on the left side, on is on the right. When I say "right click" I mean click the button on the right hand side. I'm not passing judgement on whether or not you are correct.
HIM: You don't have to talk to me as if I'm stupid.
ME: You reckon?
At this point I absolutely did not trust myself to keep speaking to this person and so called for a break. I bring these stories up firstly to provide a bit of a laugh (hopefully) and second, to illustrate that, yes, we do see some truly stupid user behaviour from time to time. So this is the recurring conundrum faced by IT workers: users behave like idiots but it's a bad idea to treat them like they're stupid because our jobs depend on them.
The first coping strategy I would suggest is the one I described above: take a break. It often doesn't occur to people to stop a conversation that's going nowhere. Do it in the appropriate way, of course. Saying: "Let's get back to this later. I've made a note of your issues and I'll look into them more then get back to you," works way better than "Shut up! You're stupid! I'm not talking to you any more."
Likewise, email doesn't have to be answered instantly (despite what some people seem to think). If you get what you think is a stupid email, take some time to think about a reply. Get a second opinion if you can. Just don't fire off a quick response that makes it clear you think the user is stupid.
It's also important to be able to determine when the "stupid user" behaviour isn't an IT issue at all, even though it's being directed at IT. If a user's system isn't working because of the crap they've installed on their machine ("Download a free animated screen saver? That sounds like a great idea - what could possibly go wrong?") that isn't an IT issue, it's a HR issue because they're misusing their PC. If a user lack basic computer literacy that isn't an IT issue, it's a training issue. If a user keeps bugging individual developers and eating up their time rather than following established channels, that's a management issue.
One of the most important things to learn when dealing with stupid user behaviour is recognising when dealing with a stupid user isn't part of your skill set. Most developers aren't hired for their people skills - it's great if you have good people skills but it's important to be honest (both with yourself and with others) when you don't. That's why Business Analysts, Team Leaders and Project Managers exist. If you're in one of these roles and you have lousy people skills then something is seriously wrong.
At the risk of ending with a platitude, if you aren't part of the solution then you're part of the problem. It's easy to bitch and moan about how stupid users are (all too often it's like shooting fish in a barrel) but that does nothing to make the situation better. In a world where IT work is increasingly commoditised and a wider range of jobs are in danger of being outsourced, people skills become increasingly valuable. So learning how to deal with stupid users can save your job as well as your sanity. I'll borrow from another well-known platitude to close on a positive note:
There are no stupid users - just stupid situations.*
(*caveat: there really are some stupid users)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Virgin worship, anal sex and oral sex
So much for today's gratuitous search engine baiting in the blog heading. It is a source of continuing amusement to me how many searches for sexual terms get pointed to this blog. All those horny desperadoes finding themselves on a web page that contains more words than pictures. And no porn. Never mind, horndogs, at least you might find an entertaining diversion here.
This post is actually a (semi) serious response to an issue raised on Suroor's blog. Why the hell are so many people so obsessed with virginity? The focus tends to be on female virginity (admittedly, there are some people who place an almost equal stress on male chastity but they're a small minority) which raises obvious issues of double standards. Why is it so often the case that men are excused if they have sex while women are expected to be virgins?
One contributor to focussing on female virginity is that there's an artefact that ostensibly proves or disproves female virginity - the hymen. But this is where it devolves from an unhealthy obsession into pure insanity. A hymen in and of itself proves nothing. There are a plenty of reasons besides sex for the potential absence of a hymen (from medical procedures to accidents and doubtless other causes). And there are plenty of things a woman with an intact hymen can do that stretch any concept of purity way beyond breaking point.
There is this whole purity/chastity pledge/born again virgin routine that's popular with American evangelicals that is absolutely astonishing in its hypocrisy. And another point, why is it so often the case that media reports about virgin obsession in Islam focus on it being the oppression of women while reports on Christian virgins are all about purity and the celebration of God's love? Those damn brown people...
Anyway, while many reports are keen to point out how many eager young Christians are taking the "virginity pledge" they're likely to gloss over how narrowly those teens define "virginity". Apparently, these teens are way more likely to indulge in oral and anal sex than "impure" teens. Who knew taking it up the butt was the path to eternal salvation? It reminds me of the scene in "Clerks" where the girl gets pissed off at her boyfriends because he's had sex with about six other women while she's only has sex with two men which makes him some sort of slut. The it turns out she's sucked 37 dicks.
Now, if you really put these hymen worshippers on the spot they'd say that all the anal and oral sex is wrong too. Most of them would, anyway. But where do you draw the line? Is kissing/groping/making out OK? So a woman who had sex with one man she loved is less pure than a woman who makes out with a different football team every night (but never has actual sex)?
And as I was saying before, often the weird obsession isn't even about sex, it's about the hymen. I remember reading a story years ago where a father was saying he wanted to sue the driver of a car that ran into his daughter's car because she "lost her virginity" in the accident. I was intrigued and read on - were the daughter and the other driver overcome with emotion and commemorated their shared experience by having sex? No, it turned out the father was claiming the impact broke his daughter's hymen meaning she was no longer a virgin. The other driver had therefore devalued his daughter and should pay compensation.
This attitude is nothing short of fucked up. It's the sort of mentality that leads to the hideous practice of surgically "re-creating" the hymen. Nothing will get through to idiots who believe this is a sensible way to behave. Actually, a few solid punches to the face might work. Even if it doesn't work, it would be fun to try.
This post is actually a (semi) serious response to an issue raised on Suroor's blog. Why the hell are so many people so obsessed with virginity? The focus tends to be on female virginity (admittedly, there are some people who place an almost equal stress on male chastity but they're a small minority) which raises obvious issues of double standards. Why is it so often the case that men are excused if they have sex while women are expected to be virgins?
One contributor to focussing on female virginity is that there's an artefact that ostensibly proves or disproves female virginity - the hymen. But this is where it devolves from an unhealthy obsession into pure insanity. A hymen in and of itself proves nothing. There are a plenty of reasons besides sex for the potential absence of a hymen (from medical procedures to accidents and doubtless other causes). And there are plenty of things a woman with an intact hymen can do that stretch any concept of purity way beyond breaking point.
There is this whole purity/chastity pledge/born again virgin routine that's popular with American evangelicals that is absolutely astonishing in its hypocrisy. And another point, why is it so often the case that media reports about virgin obsession in Islam focus on it being the oppression of women while reports on Christian virgins are all about purity and the celebration of God's love? Those damn brown people...
Anyway, while many reports are keen to point out how many eager young Christians are taking the "virginity pledge" they're likely to gloss over how narrowly those teens define "virginity". Apparently, these teens are way more likely to indulge in oral and anal sex than "impure" teens. Who knew taking it up the butt was the path to eternal salvation? It reminds me of the scene in "Clerks" where the girl gets pissed off at her boyfriends because he's had sex with about six other women while she's only has sex with two men which makes him some sort of slut. The it turns out she's sucked 37 dicks.
Now, if you really put these hymen worshippers on the spot they'd say that all the anal and oral sex is wrong too. Most of them would, anyway. But where do you draw the line? Is kissing/groping/making out OK? So a woman who had sex with one man she loved is less pure than a woman who makes out with a different football team every night (but never has actual sex)?
And as I was saying before, often the weird obsession isn't even about sex, it's about the hymen. I remember reading a story years ago where a father was saying he wanted to sue the driver of a car that ran into his daughter's car because she "lost her virginity" in the accident. I was intrigued and read on - were the daughter and the other driver overcome with emotion and commemorated their shared experience by having sex? No, it turned out the father was claiming the impact broke his daughter's hymen meaning she was no longer a virgin. The other driver had therefore devalued his daughter and should pay compensation.
This attitude is nothing short of fucked up. It's the sort of mentality that leads to the hideous practice of surgically "re-creating" the hymen. Nothing will get through to idiots who believe this is a sensible way to behave. Actually, a few solid punches to the face might work. Even if it doesn't work, it would be fun to try.
Monday, January 29, 2007
It's official: Google have decided to kill all of YouTube's competitors
What almost everybody has predicted for a while is now apparently a fact: Google have decided to enable revenue sharing for content creators on YouTube. This is effectively a death warrant for every single YouTube competitor (interestingly, they've effectively killed Google Video too). None of them have managed to make the remotest dent in YouTube's popularity, even when they have tried paying contributors and YouTube hasn't.
YouTube has consistently beat out any competitors by a handy margin in terms of how many people watch and contribute. Now that they're going to be providing an opportunity for content creators to make money, all of their competitors are going to become digital ghost towns. I mean, more than they are now. While this development has obvious appeal for me (is YouTube going to provide my post 500 milestone for me?) I can think of one obvious drawback.
People are arseholes.
YouTube has one of the greatest concentration of arseholes on the internet. They come in many flavours, from the common or garden variety of hater to racists and other zealots to those who game the system. It's this last group of arseholes who are going to have the biggest impact on the success (or otherwise) of YouTube as a paid medium.
In the current YouTube world where there are NO direct rewards for how many times a video is viewed, there are still hundreds of "cheaters" who employ various methods to raise their profile. And by this I mean methods other than actually being so good that thousands of people want to watch them. And they do this for... nothing.
The truly bizarre thing to me is that many of these people who spoof the system truly gain nothing by doing it. They don't feature themselves in the videos so they aren't going to gain any "fame". They don't produce other videos so they aren't gaining attention for their "real" work by proxy. They gain nothing but they frustrate thousands of legitimate users. For what? So they can say they got a million views on YouTube? Maybe I'm missing something but this seems like the epitome of fucked up to me.
I think it's distinctly possible that the "cheating" will get so out of control once there's money involved that the resulting disaster will make YouTube implode. Not likely but possible. The one area that YouTube is still a long way from getting right is the user/community aspect. The paid model could very well degrade the user experience even further. A truly scary prospect for anyone who's been trying to cope with the dog's breakfast that is YouTube today.
I wish YouTube wasn't so opaque. I wish I knew what was going on inside. I wish I knew what they were planning to do with the "community" aspect. I wish I knew what they were planning to do with cheaters. But my crystal ball is on the fritz. So we're going to have to wait and see.
YouTube has consistently beat out any competitors by a handy margin in terms of how many people watch and contribute. Now that they're going to be providing an opportunity for content creators to make money, all of their competitors are going to become digital ghost towns. I mean, more than they are now. While this development has obvious appeal for me (is YouTube going to provide my post 500 milestone for me?) I can think of one obvious drawback.
People are arseholes.
YouTube has one of the greatest concentration of arseholes on the internet. They come in many flavours, from the common or garden variety of hater to racists and other zealots to those who game the system. It's this last group of arseholes who are going to have the biggest impact on the success (or otherwise) of YouTube as a paid medium.
In the current YouTube world where there are NO direct rewards for how many times a video is viewed, there are still hundreds of "cheaters" who employ various methods to raise their profile. And by this I mean methods other than actually being so good that thousands of people want to watch them. And they do this for... nothing.
The truly bizarre thing to me is that many of these people who spoof the system truly gain nothing by doing it. They don't feature themselves in the videos so they aren't going to gain any "fame". They don't produce other videos so they aren't gaining attention for their "real" work by proxy. They gain nothing but they frustrate thousands of legitimate users. For what? So they can say they got a million views on YouTube? Maybe I'm missing something but this seems like the epitome of fucked up to me.
I think it's distinctly possible that the "cheating" will get so out of control once there's money involved that the resulting disaster will make YouTube implode. Not likely but possible. The one area that YouTube is still a long way from getting right is the user/community aspect. The paid model could very well degrade the user experience even further. A truly scary prospect for anyone who's been trying to cope with the dog's breakfast that is YouTube today.
I wish YouTube wasn't so opaque. I wish I knew what was going on inside. I wish I knew what they were planning to do with the "community" aspect. I wish I knew what they were planning to do with cheaters. But my crystal ball is on the fritz. So we're going to have to wait and see.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Some Angry News you may have missed
Here's some more behind the scenes news reporting from Mr Angry.
The first story revolves around a major Australian festival known as The Big Day Out. This is actually a series of concerts featuring major Australian and international acts that tours the capitals every summer. The Sydney show is almost always on Australia Day and last year it happened to arrive not long after the Cronulla race riot - an unfortunate event where a large crowd seemed to mistake "patriotism" with "being a drunken bogan fuckwit".
At last year's BDO there was a phenomenal amount of flag waving. There's nothing inherently wrong with this but there were several cases were it took on menacing and racist overtones. One of the most obnoxious incidents involved a moron draped in the flag walking down a line of people urging them all to kiss his flag. When one person, inevitably, refused the drunken dork punched the dirty commie refusenik. Oh, and then the flag waver ran away. How unlike a racist to be a coward.
Anyway, the organiser of the BDO decided he really didn't want that shit this year. So he made a public announcement. Did he stick to saying he didn't want people to be aggressive drunken dickheads? No he didn't. He showed the astonishingly poor judgement to say he didn't want people to wear the Australian flag to the concert. You can imagine the shitstorm that followed.
This next piece is the medical breakthrough that caffeine drinkers have been waiting for - caffeine is good for you! Well kinda, sorta. It was positive enough for me to increase my cola intake by several litres a day.
The first story revolves around a major Australian festival known as The Big Day Out. This is actually a series of concerts featuring major Australian and international acts that tours the capitals every summer. The Sydney show is almost always on Australia Day and last year it happened to arrive not long after the Cronulla race riot - an unfortunate event where a large crowd seemed to mistake "patriotism" with "being a drunken bogan fuckwit".
At last year's BDO there was a phenomenal amount of flag waving. There's nothing inherently wrong with this but there were several cases were it took on menacing and racist overtones. One of the most obnoxious incidents involved a moron draped in the flag walking down a line of people urging them all to kiss his flag. When one person, inevitably, refused the drunken dork punched the dirty commie refusenik. Oh, and then the flag waver ran away. How unlike a racist to be a coward.
Anyway, the organiser of the BDO decided he really didn't want that shit this year. So he made a public announcement. Did he stick to saying he didn't want people to be aggressive drunken dickheads? No he didn't. He showed the astonishingly poor judgement to say he didn't want people to wear the Australian flag to the concert. You can imagine the shitstorm that followed.
This next piece is the medical breakthrough that caffeine drinkers have been waiting for - caffeine is good for you! Well kinda, sorta. It was positive enough for me to increase my cola intake by several litres a day.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
What does kiwi poo taste like?
AKA "The Return of the Little Angries".
My life is fraught with peril. A perfectly respectable novelty girft from New Zealand is used by my kids to play an awful prank on me...
My life is fraught with peril. A perfectly respectable novelty girft from New Zealand is used by my kids to play an awful prank on me...
What is Australia Day?
While I'm in Australia Day mode (although it's over now) I thought I'd post one more video on the topic. This video was done in response to a request for some background from a YouTube subscriber who didn't actually know what Australia Day commemorates. In this video I give a brief overview of what the date marks (the First Fleet landing at Port Jackson), the legal concept of Terra Nullius and why some people (trouble making commies) call it Invasion Day.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Angry Australia Day
It's Australia Day today - our national day and I'm celebrating in the traditional way by scorching some dead animals. But am I a proud Australian? Well, let's start with a definition of "proud":
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Trigger Words for Mr Angry
Did you ever notice how we all seem to have trigger words that can have a massive effect on our moods and responses? I've shared before how racists on YouTube set me off by phrasing their bullshit with some variation of "you have to agree that..." Well, no dickhead. I don't have to agree with anything. Least of all the incoherent ramblings of an unintelligent, insecure, pathetic racist.
Just before going on holidays, I discovered another set of trigger words that will make me unleash my most vicious attacks upon the perpetrator. Namely, don't say any variation of "no offense, but..." followed by something incredibly offensive unless you want to feel the full wrath of Mr Angry.
One of the last videos I made before going to NZ was a response to a featured video on YouTube - I didn't post it here because there was really no context for it on this blog. The video I responded to was part of a series called "God Inc" that runs on the premise that Heaven is really run like an office with all the bureaucracy and petty jealousies that suggests. A bit of a depressing though really.
I did a response as some of my demonic characters because the idea popped into my head and it seemed to fit. The video has been viewed over 20,000 times since I posted it (average for me is a couple of hundred to a thousand views) so it was certainly a success for me. The thing is, it was a rush job (just before my holiday) and the standard is honestly pretty bodgy even by my rather low standards. And it got seen by thousands of dweebs who had never seen my stuff.
The first few comments were from my regulars who liked it but then the losers with nothing to offer the world but a fucked-up opinion started. As is my usual way, I responded to nearly all of the comments, partly to thank the positive, partly to rip on the negative and partly because lots of comments gets you noticed on YouTube. The more obnoxious the comment, the more obnoxious my reply.
The funny thing is, I couldn't give a shit about these losers. The fact that they feel compelled to spit out negativity when nobody is being negative towards them says way more about their pathetic lives than any insult I could deliver. But I did save my worst bile for the one who said "No offense but this vid sucked."
Why the fuck do people say that before they say something offensive? Are they that fucking stupid that they think they aren't saying something offensive? Are they stupid enough to think saying "no offense" excuses the offense? Or are they so mind numbingly fucking stupid they don't even know the meaning of the words "no offense"?
I decided this putz needed a lesson so I responded in kind with the most offensive thing I could think of:
"No offense, but your mother fucks truck drivers for 50c a throw."
I suspect the irony of the response would be totally lost on him. For those who want to see just how angry I can get, the full list of comments can be seen here:
Comments on re: God Inc
Just before going on holidays, I discovered another set of trigger words that will make me unleash my most vicious attacks upon the perpetrator. Namely, don't say any variation of "no offense, but..." followed by something incredibly offensive unless you want to feel the full wrath of Mr Angry.
One of the last videos I made before going to NZ was a response to a featured video on YouTube - I didn't post it here because there was really no context for it on this blog. The video I responded to was part of a series called "God Inc" that runs on the premise that Heaven is really run like an office with all the bureaucracy and petty jealousies that suggests. A bit of a depressing though really.
I did a response as some of my demonic characters because the idea popped into my head and it seemed to fit. The video has been viewed over 20,000 times since I posted it (average for me is a couple of hundred to a thousand views) so it was certainly a success for me. The thing is, it was a rush job (just before my holiday) and the standard is honestly pretty bodgy even by my rather low standards. And it got seen by thousands of dweebs who had never seen my stuff.
The first few comments were from my regulars who liked it but then the losers with nothing to offer the world but a fucked-up opinion started. As is my usual way, I responded to nearly all of the comments, partly to thank the positive, partly to rip on the negative and partly because lots of comments gets you noticed on YouTube. The more obnoxious the comment, the more obnoxious my reply.
The funny thing is, I couldn't give a shit about these losers. The fact that they feel compelled to spit out negativity when nobody is being negative towards them says way more about their pathetic lives than any insult I could deliver. But I did save my worst bile for the one who said "No offense but this vid sucked."
Why the fuck do people say that before they say something offensive? Are they that fucking stupid that they think they aren't saying something offensive? Are they stupid enough to think saying "no offense" excuses the offense? Or are they so mind numbingly fucking stupid they don't even know the meaning of the words "no offense"?
I decided this putz needed a lesson so I responded in kind with the most offensive thing I could think of:
"No offense, but your mother fucks truck drivers for 50c a throw."
I suspect the irony of the response would be totally lost on him. For those who want to see just how angry I can get, the full list of comments can be seen here:
Comments on re: God Inc
Showing my sexy ass on YouTube
No, I haven't become a gay porn star. Or at least I'm not willing to admit to being a gay porn star. Although I'd get a lot of search engine traffic if I started promoting hot man on man gay butt sex action. My god, I'm cynical.
Basically, I wanted to celebrate the impending launch of the ASS joint venture with Daniel, Gruntski and myself (and who knows who else). See the comments on this post if you have no idea what I'm talking about. The announcement of ASS coincided, completely unintentionally, with me showing my arse on YouTube in this video:
If this doesn't make any sense to you, it's a response to this video from one of my favourite people on YouTube, Mr Safety:
Mr Safety's "Hairy Ass" video
So who knows, maybe ASS will soon become a household name. Remember you heard it here first.
Basically, I wanted to celebrate the impending launch of the ASS joint venture with Daniel, Gruntski and myself (and who knows who else). See the comments on this post if you have no idea what I'm talking about. The announcement of ASS coincided, completely unintentionally, with me showing my arse on YouTube in this video:
If this doesn't make any sense to you, it's a response to this video from one of my favourite people on YouTube, Mr Safety:
Mr Safety's "Hairy Ass" video
So who knows, maybe ASS will soon become a household name. Remember you heard it here first.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Do you hate your team enough?
Based on long experience, I can only assume that this is a question that many managers ask themselves on a daily basis: "Do I hate my team enough?" Quickly followed by: "How can I demonstrate the extent to which I hate my team?" Well, I feel it's my job in life to help managers, so here's my tip: if you want to demonstrate unequivocally that you hate your team, send them on a team building/training exercise.
Now, be careful here. I mentioned "training" because that what these team building seminars are often called. Having said that, it's vitally important that any training component be of no value whatsoever to the people undertaking said training. The training should be about "team building", "problem solving" (note: not problems they will actually encounter in their work but abstract or conceptual problems) "conflict resolution" (you'll need this for when they come back wanting to kill you) and best of all "corporate values".
For best effect, the training/team building environment needs to be as unrelated to the work environment as possible. A consistent winner is sending IT development teams on wilderness survival treks. These geeks spent their high school years being bullied by the sporty types who run these outdoors activities. They miss it. A few years ago paintball tournaments were very popular. Shrewd managers thought it would be funny to make pasty dweebs run around with weapons. Bad idea. Even facsimile weapons can give geeks inspiration for wreaking revenge on you. High powered rifles and paint ball guns handle in a remarkably similar manner.
Tailor the team building exercises to be humiliating as possible. If your staff are desk bound and have seen neither the light of day nor the inside of a gym for years, send them rock climbing. If they are introverted and socially awkward, force them into uncomfortably intimate situations or maybe make them perform some "hilarious" skits. Hilarious for people who enjoy watching torture anyway.
When your staff say "I'm too busy for this," you say "You need to make the time for your personal development." When they say "Giving up this time for this stupid team building exercise will make the project late," you say "You need to prioritise more effectively - work smarter, not harder." When they say "This is a waste of fucking time!" you say "You're not a team player." (This is an excellent all-purpose phrase that carries the veiled threat of a bad performance review and no pay raise/bonus) When they say "I have evidence that you're taking kickbacks from the training company," you say "You're fired."
Most of all, make sure the team building event is no fun whatsoever. I've had team days in the past before that were lots of fun and they did the managers involved no good whatsoever. When people have fun once, they expect more fun later. A team that's had fun returns to work invigorated and lively; and an invigorated team is scary as hell for a manger who's out of their depth. Plus, a team that enjoys each other's company ends up being united and what sort of manager wants to deal with a strong, united team?
When you get right down to it, a team building seminar can be the ultimate Zen moment for a manager. It's a perfect moment when you make someone's life miserable while giving the outward appearance of doing something positive. So this is my call to managers everywhere: go for it! Take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself:
"How much do I hate my team?"
Now, be careful here. I mentioned "training" because that what these team building seminars are often called. Having said that, it's vitally important that any training component be of no value whatsoever to the people undertaking said training. The training should be about "team building", "problem solving" (note: not problems they will actually encounter in their work but abstract or conceptual problems) "conflict resolution" (you'll need this for when they come back wanting to kill you) and best of all "corporate values".
For best effect, the training/team building environment needs to be as unrelated to the work environment as possible. A consistent winner is sending IT development teams on wilderness survival treks. These geeks spent their high school years being bullied by the sporty types who run these outdoors activities. They miss it. A few years ago paintball tournaments were very popular. Shrewd managers thought it would be funny to make pasty dweebs run around with weapons. Bad idea. Even facsimile weapons can give geeks inspiration for wreaking revenge on you. High powered rifles and paint ball guns handle in a remarkably similar manner.
Tailor the team building exercises to be humiliating as possible. If your staff are desk bound and have seen neither the light of day nor the inside of a gym for years, send them rock climbing. If they are introverted and socially awkward, force them into uncomfortably intimate situations or maybe make them perform some "hilarious" skits. Hilarious for people who enjoy watching torture anyway.
When your staff say "I'm too busy for this," you say "You need to make the time for your personal development." When they say "Giving up this time for this stupid team building exercise will make the project late," you say "You need to prioritise more effectively - work smarter, not harder." When they say "This is a waste of fucking time!" you say "You're not a team player." (This is an excellent all-purpose phrase that carries the veiled threat of a bad performance review and no pay raise/bonus) When they say "I have evidence that you're taking kickbacks from the training company," you say "You're fired."
Most of all, make sure the team building event is no fun whatsoever. I've had team days in the past before that were lots of fun and they did the managers involved no good whatsoever. When people have fun once, they expect more fun later. A team that's had fun returns to work invigorated and lively; and an invigorated team is scary as hell for a manger who's out of their depth. Plus, a team that enjoys each other's company ends up being united and what sort of manager wants to deal with a strong, united team?
When you get right down to it, a team building seminar can be the ultimate Zen moment for a manager. It's a perfect moment when you make someone's life miserable while giving the outward appearance of doing something positive. So this is my call to managers everywhere: go for it! Take a good, hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself:
"How much do I hate my team?"
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Great moments in engineering
I'm not getting invited back to the engineering department any time soon. In fact, I suspect they may have posted my picture on the wall with a sign saying "Don't let this smartarse back in here." All because I tried to be helpful.
My reasons for being in this unfamiliar building aren't important (also, I don't want to give too much about my job away - I'm trying to be anonymous remember?) One thing I noticed while I was there was a range of what was obviously sensitive equipment mounted on the walls. I say "obviously" because each of these sensor thingies had a sign on top of them saying "WARNING: Do not rest items on top of this cabinet." The signs had simply been printed out on the laser printer, probably after someone had fucked up the equipment by resting stuff on top of it.
I noticed something seemed a little... wrong with the sign so I had this conversation with one of the engineers (who turned out to be the one who had put the signs up):
ME: So I'm guessing this equipment is sensitive?
HIM: Great guess.
ME: Did somebody break something by stacking things on top of it?
HIM: Yeah, it interferes with some of the readings, plus that wall can't hold too much weight.
ME: Did you have some problems with the signs blowing away?
HIM: Yeah, how did you know that?
ME: I noticed you've weighted the signs down with block of wood.
HIM: Because of the cooling fans here, every time someone opens a door we get a surge of wind so yeah, I had to weight them down.
ME: So you're holding the "don't stack things" sign in place with bits of wood?
HIM: Yeah.
ME: Heavy bits of wood on the sensitive machinery holding down signs saying "Don't put heavy things here".
(pause while this sinks in)
HIM: What the fuck do you want here anyway?
Like I said, I'm not getting invited back any time soon.
My reasons for being in this unfamiliar building aren't important (also, I don't want to give too much about my job away - I'm trying to be anonymous remember?) One thing I noticed while I was there was a range of what was obviously sensitive equipment mounted on the walls. I say "obviously" because each of these sensor thingies had a sign on top of them saying "WARNING: Do not rest items on top of this cabinet." The signs had simply been printed out on the laser printer, probably after someone had fucked up the equipment by resting stuff on top of it.
I noticed something seemed a little... wrong with the sign so I had this conversation with one of the engineers (who turned out to be the one who had put the signs up):
ME: So I'm guessing this equipment is sensitive?
HIM: Great guess.
ME: Did somebody break something by stacking things on top of it?
HIM: Yeah, it interferes with some of the readings, plus that wall can't hold too much weight.
ME: Did you have some problems with the signs blowing away?
HIM: Yeah, how did you know that?
ME: I noticed you've weighted the signs down with block of wood.
HIM: Because of the cooling fans here, every time someone opens a door we get a surge of wind so yeah, I had to weight them down.
ME: So you're holding the "don't stack things" sign in place with bits of wood?
HIM: Yeah.
ME: Heavy bits of wood on the sensitive machinery holding down signs saying "Don't put heavy things here".
(pause while this sinks in)
HIM: What the fuck do you want here anyway?
Like I said, I'm not getting invited back any time soon.
Monday, January 22, 2007
400 posts down - where am I going now?
Long time readers will know I'm a big fan of arbitrary milestones and I'm celebrating another one now. While I was on holidays, the automated Angrymotron3000 (tm) pushed this blog past 400 posts. At each of my previous 100 post milestones I've set myself a goal to reach in the next 100. Each time I've ended up meeting the goal even when it was a "stretch" goal like the last one - getting paid (thanks to The Fizz on 101/DirecTV).
My 500th post should happen at around the same time as my one year anniversary (the end of March) so I think I need to set myself one big motherfuckin' hairy-ass audacious goal for this one. The thing is, I've been thinking about this for a while and there's only one goal that makes sense to me now: turn this stuff into a professional gig and quit my day job.
Maybe this is wussing out but I don't think aiming to quit my day job in the next couple of months is a viable goal. What I want is to have a concrete plan in place to reach the goal of turning all of these shenanigans into a paying gig. There are a number of ways to pursue this and at this point, I have to admit, I don't think I'm going to end up being a "professional blogger".
I think they most likely path to success is to convert what I'm doing through this blog and YouTube into money via another medium. I know this isn't very Web 2.0 but I do think it's realistic. Plus, here's a little tip about all this "Web 2.0" hoo-ha: most of it is unmitigated bullshit. If I'm ever going to make money out of my writing and/or performing it's most likely to be in the form of publishing a book, writing for a magazine or newspaper, or working in TV or film. Or possibly stand-up comedy. But nobody makes money doing stand-up comedy so fuck that.
The last month or so has been my most unfocused time since starting this blog but the holiday's over now. Besides getting into gear for my plan I promise to check in with every else's blogs more regularly now too. Because that's what it's all about - without the support of all my regular readers and commenters I'd be nowhere so it's only fair I return the favour. Stay tuned for further development and. of course, a whole lot more angriness.
My 500th post should happen at around the same time as my one year anniversary (the end of March) so I think I need to set myself one big motherfuckin' hairy-ass audacious goal for this one. The thing is, I've been thinking about this for a while and there's only one goal that makes sense to me now: turn this stuff into a professional gig and quit my day job.
Maybe this is wussing out but I don't think aiming to quit my day job in the next couple of months is a viable goal. What I want is to have a concrete plan in place to reach the goal of turning all of these shenanigans into a paying gig. There are a number of ways to pursue this and at this point, I have to admit, I don't think I'm going to end up being a "professional blogger".
I think they most likely path to success is to convert what I'm doing through this blog and YouTube into money via another medium. I know this isn't very Web 2.0 but I do think it's realistic. Plus, here's a little tip about all this "Web 2.0" hoo-ha: most of it is unmitigated bullshit. If I'm ever going to make money out of my writing and/or performing it's most likely to be in the form of publishing a book, writing for a magazine or newspaper, or working in TV or film. Or possibly stand-up comedy. But nobody makes money doing stand-up comedy so fuck that.
The last month or so has been my most unfocused time since starting this blog but the holiday's over now. Besides getting into gear for my plan I promise to check in with every else's blogs more regularly now too. Because that's what it's all about - without the support of all my regular readers and commenters I'd be nowhere so it's only fair I return the favour. Stay tuned for further development and. of course, a whole lot more angriness.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
What made me angry about my holiday
While I was on holidays I didn't actually make any angry videos and post any angry rants (you may have noticed). So first thing on my arrival home I decided to get back into it. And talk about some fuel: my fucking memory card fucked up and lost a pile of photos and videos. So I decided to express my frustration in the best way I knew how:
But there was actually a happy ending or semi-happy at least. To get over my disappointment at having lost some really good photos and videos I indulged in a little retail therapy and bought a new video camera - one I'd had my eye on for a while. The bloke at the camera store heard my tale of woe and sprang into action. He had a recovery programme that was quite good at reclaiming files that had been deleted from memory cards and he ran it on my camera's memory card. The end result was that I got back about 80% of the files I thought were completely lost.
Oh, and I got a kick-arse new camera. So I made a video with the new camera and included some of the recovered footage:
As a post script - my editing software is having trouble working with some of the partially corrupted files. If anyone knows some good tips for dealing with this - let me know.
But there was actually a happy ending or semi-happy at least. To get over my disappointment at having lost some really good photos and videos I indulged in a little retail therapy and bought a new video camera - one I'd had my eye on for a while. The bloke at the camera store heard my tale of woe and sprang into action. He had a recovery programme that was quite good at reclaiming files that had been deleted from memory cards and he ran it on my camera's memory card. The end result was that I got back about 80% of the files I thought were completely lost.
Oh, and I got a kick-arse new camera. So I made a video with the new camera and included some of the recovered footage:
As a post script - my editing software is having trouble working with some of the partially corrupted files. If anyone knows some good tips for dealing with this - let me know.
Mr Angry's New Zealand retrospective
So I'm back home now. New Zealand is absolutely awesome! Maybe it was because it was my first decent holiday in about 7 years but I had a really good time. Here are a few more videos I shot while I was there. This first one is shot in the tourist centre of Queenstown. In this video I make at least two factual errors; one, where I call the lake a bay and one where I say a hill covered in trees is suitable for skiing. It was the ski-lift that tricked me.
This one is shot at another of the picturesque camp site where we spent the night - Moke Lake. Contrary to what I say in this video, I actually did go for a swim in this lake. Right in line with what I said in this video, it was fucking freezing.
This one was one of the most fun to make as I involved people around me in the video. They clearly thought I was insane.
Here's another piece of evidence that I'm a frustrated nature documentary presenter. Although I won't get far when I keep calling birds that can obviously fly "flightless". Although you're pretty safe calling any bird in NZ flightless - I don't know what it is about that place but it's crawling with flightless birds.
Here we see Mr Angry - Thrillseeker! But I'll tell you this for free - pay attention to warning signs in NZ. I saw some big-arse chunks of ice falling off the face of the glacier while I was there. Pieces that would easily have weighed more than a tonne. Natural splendour also means huge risks.
We'll be back to your regular angry service directly.
This one is shot at another of the picturesque camp site where we spent the night - Moke Lake. Contrary to what I say in this video, I actually did go for a swim in this lake. Right in line with what I said in this video, it was fucking freezing.
This one was one of the most fun to make as I involved people around me in the video. They clearly thought I was insane.
Here's another piece of evidence that I'm a frustrated nature documentary presenter. Although I won't get far when I keep calling birds that can obviously fly "flightless". Although you're pretty safe calling any bird in NZ flightless - I don't know what it is about that place but it's crawling with flightless birds.
Here we see Mr Angry - Thrillseeker! But I'll tell you this for free - pay attention to warning signs in NZ. I saw some big-arse chunks of ice falling off the face of the glacier while I was there. Pieces that would easily have weighed more than a tonne. Natural splendour also means huge risks.
We'll be back to your regular angry service directly.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
The Angry News - The Streets of San Francisco
I always thought San Francisco was meant to be a mellow hippy sort of place but it seems like "parking rage" is getting out of control there. I get pissed off occasionally about parking spaces but I've never killed anyone... yet.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Neighbour troubles for Gruntski
Gruntski loves dogs. Gruntski loves his neighbour... usually. But there's a combination of neighbour and dogs at the moment that's really pissing him off.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
The Angry News - A Question of Intelligence
Another pre-prepared video post wherein I thank Time magazine for one of the best straight lines ever.
And while I'm on the topic - sure Bush is fucking up the world but at least he's providing plenty of material for satirists.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
Mr Angry in New Zealand
Here's a vid at the end of my first day in New Zealand just as I'm setting up camp. So how's NZ? In a word - awesome!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Something is bugging Gruntski
This is another guest post from Gruntski.
Something is indeed bugging the man: bugs. As I'm on holiday, I'll let him explain it in his own words:
Something is indeed bugging the man: bugs. As I'm on holiday, I'll let him explain it in his own words:
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Hell freezes over - or There's hope for me yet
One of my ongoing frustrations is that I've never had a video featured on YouTube. Getting featured would be a major step towards my goal of world domination. And I deserve it it, dammit. They feature some real shit on YouTube.
This video is a little tribute to a YouTube mate of mine, fellow Aussie Seanbedlam who was recently featured. If you don't know Sean's work you wouldn't know why I think this is such a major event. In short, Sean is way more offensive than me as a rule of thumb (hard as that may be to believe.)
I'd often thought that one of the reasons I never get featured is the powers that be at YouTube were worried highlighting one of my "clean" videos would lead people to my potty mouth work and make them look bad. But if they'll feature Sean, there's hope for me yet. He's been on YouTube longer than me so maybe I just have to be patient. Anyway, here's my tribute to Sean being featured:
This video is a little tribute to a YouTube mate of mine, fellow Aussie Seanbedlam who was recently featured. If you don't know Sean's work you wouldn't know why I think this is such a major event. In short, Sean is way more offensive than me as a rule of thumb (hard as that may be to believe.)
I'd often thought that one of the reasons I never get featured is the powers that be at YouTube were worried highlighting one of my "clean" videos would lead people to my potty mouth work and make them look bad. But if they'll feature Sean, there's hope for me yet. He's been on YouTube longer than me so maybe I just have to be patient. Anyway, here's my tribute to Sean being featured:
Friday, January 12, 2007
Gruntski on driving
This is a guest post from Gruntski.
In this video post, we learn that Gruntski and Mr Angry have at least one thing in common: they both hate fuckwits in traffic.
In this video post, we learn that Gruntski and Mr Angry have at least one thing in common: they both hate fuckwits in traffic.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The Angry News - Found and Lost
A major air crash is always a traumatic event for those affected. It must be a real treat when the tragedy is made worse by a bureaucratic fuck-up like the one that recently happened in Indonesia as I outline in this video:
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
The customer is always wrong
This is a guest post from Engtech.
The expression "The Customer is Always Right" was first used in advertising by Gordon Selfridge in the late 1800s, but has been around for centuries in who knows how many different languages. Yet it is a mantra that seems to be falling by the wayside in modern
business. From the corporate point of view, the 21st century consumer is right less often. Corporations attack our pocketbooks from numerous fronts:
- an abundance of user agreements telling you what you can or cannot use,
- product purchase contests now use pins and require registrations to build up direct marketing databases,
- hints at online retailers doing targeted price increases using your shopping habits to increase the price of items you are likely tobuy,
- digital rights management (DRM) technology -- a fancy way of saying "even though you paid for this you don't get to own it and dowhat you want with it".
I didn't like it when gift certificates changed to gift cards with expiration dates, although I understand the logic behind it. (It's done for accounting reasons.)
I hate that if I make a mistake booking a flightand I don't correct it within the grace period that I still have to pay a rebooking fee (and the original expensive fare) when rebooking to a cheaper flight. I understand it is a necessary barrier to prevent people from switching flights willy-nilly, but it sucks. (Always triple check your itinerary well ahead of time). The corporation has you bent over and at their mercy; business as usual. Pray they use lubricant.
But what really makes my blood boil is the underhanded stupidity that you can only get when the person is right in front of you. It's easier to ignore the short-sightedness and psychosis that is assumed from an unseen evil corporate overlord. It isn't so easy to ignore a cashier in a green golf-shirt and clear plastic gloves who's standing face to face with you.
Subway: Eat Fre$h
This first story is a simple one, I'm sure every consumer has experienced something similar at a one time or another. This was back when Subway still accepted "free sub" stamp cards (before the widespread counterfeiting made them too cost ineffective). My significant other and I bought two subs as a Couple Unit(tm) and we were soundly informed that we were only allowed one card per customer.
So we paid for them separately and USED OUR CARDS thankyouverymuch under the disapproving glare of the manager-slash-owner. (And have exercised out rights as consumers by never returning to that specific location.)
The second story happened today. The Subway location near my work offers daily 6" sub specials for $2.49. Today's special was the Italian BMT (Pepperoni, Salami, and Ham). Meanwhile, the 6" veggie delite vegetarian sub was $4 + change. For those of you who are not Subway aficionados, there is no difference between a veggie sub and any other sub with the meat taken out.
So, something that cost Subway less in both ingredients and time was considerably more expensive than the special. If you fancied a veggie sub, you might think you could ask for the special but leave the meat out. In the words of StephenR. Covey, this would be a prime example of thinking win/win. I save a buck, Subway saves some cost on ingredients. But instead it was a clear example of No Deal. The only way to get a veggie sub for the low-low-price of $2.49 is to buy a meat sub and throw out the meat in front of them. You can't even ask for "meat on the side, please".
As a carnivore, I fully understand the desire to subsidize your business on the backs of the omni-lacto-hippo-vegans and visible minorities who avoid meat products for "religious reasons". After all, our ancestors didn't fight this long to get to the top of the food chain only for us to start giving up ground now. Maybe the refusal to play ball was really a neo-conservative judgment on my perceived left-wing hippy vegetarian societal choices?
Or maybe they were afraid what might happen if they started down that slippery slope:
- trying to exchange two different 6" subs of a lesser value for a footlong sub,
- trying to switch cookies for chips in your sandwich, drink and side combo,
- or trying to substitute a $2.49 cold-cut trio (turkey-based ham, turkey-based salami, turkey-based bologna) for a genuine turkey breast sub.
They're absolutely right of course. Increasing your business by making choices that benefit the consumer while saving your business money at the same time is the first step down the slippery slope to anarchy. Arbitrary rules are always a better way to go than allowing people to make independent, intelligent decisions based on changing circumstances.
Besides, the customer is always wrong.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Leaving on a Jet Plane
As I was packing my bags for New Zealand, I couldn't resist the urge to make one last video before leaving home. Besides packing I had a few big announcements, namely, I've reached 500 subscribers and over 300,000 video views. Woohoo! Small potatoes compared to the big YouTube stars but major milestones for me.
Now we'll see how how addicted to YouTube I am - how many videos from New Zealand will be posted while I'm still on holidays?
Now we'll see how how addicted to YouTube I am - how many videos from New Zealand will be posted while I'm still on holidays?
Monday, January 08, 2007
Geeking out at the airport
Well, my girlfriend just called me a complete dag for logging on the net while waiting at the airport. Then she said to let he know when I'm finished this post so she can check her email. A perfect match it seems.
I'm doing this from one of those pay terminals - I was able to find a few networks on my Macbook but they all required passwords and nobody seemed to have chosen a really dumb password like "password".
We did the good thing and got here way early so now we have another hour to wait for the flight, then a three hour flight. Because of the time difference, it's close to midnight when we land in Christchurch so I hope the hotel where we are spending the night is as easy to find as they promised. If not, my first angry blog post from New Zealand will be on the topic of the bastard lying hotel web site.
I am hoping to get it together to post a few scenic vids from NZ while I'm there - I can't imagine I'll be very angry in them, I plan to have a good time while I'm away. But I like the idea of an outdoor yolog with some massive mountain or glacier in the background.
I've lined up some guest posts to make sure I don't miss a day while I'm away. You'll be hearing from EngTech and Gruntski. In Gruntski's case you'll be literally hearing as well as seeing because he's provided several excellent yologs of his own. Mate, you already have fans on YouTube - you should prepare yourself to conquer that world too!
I'd love to make a vid on the plane but I want to maintain my anonymity and pulling out a mask on a plane could um... cause problems. Stupid paranoid dickheads. What could possibly be wrong with someone wearing a mask and screaming angrily on a plane?
I'm doing this from one of those pay terminals - I was able to find a few networks on my Macbook but they all required passwords and nobody seemed to have chosen a really dumb password like "password".
We did the good thing and got here way early so now we have another hour to wait for the flight, then a three hour flight. Because of the time difference, it's close to midnight when we land in Christchurch so I hope the hotel where we are spending the night is as easy to find as they promised. If not, my first angry blog post from New Zealand will be on the topic of the bastard lying hotel web site.
I am hoping to get it together to post a few scenic vids from NZ while I'm there - I can't imagine I'll be very angry in them, I plan to have a good time while I'm away. But I like the idea of an outdoor yolog with some massive mountain or glacier in the background.
I've lined up some guest posts to make sure I don't miss a day while I'm away. You'll be hearing from EngTech and Gruntski. In Gruntski's case you'll be literally hearing as well as seeing because he's provided several excellent yologs of his own. Mate, you already have fans on YouTube - you should prepare yourself to conquer that world too!
I'd love to make a vid on the plane but I want to maintain my anonymity and pulling out a mask on a plane could um... cause problems. Stupid paranoid dickheads. What could possibly be wrong with someone wearing a mask and screaming angrily on a plane?
Sunday, January 07, 2007
I'm gonna kill my neighbour
If my neighbour is really lucky I'll have left for my New Zealand holiday before I kill the fucker. The cheap bastard has a shitty car that never starts properly and he's too cheap to get the fucking thing fixed. I know this because I'm always hearing him try to start it. You know that annoying rrrr-rrrr-rrrr noise you get when a car engine won't turn over? I get to hear that very regularly.
In itself, that wouldn't be so bad. But when it finally kicks into life, the ignorant prick revs the guts out of it for about a minute. I'm assuming he does this in the hope the engine won't cut out again. Now, I'm not a mechanical expert but I think he's actually damaging his already fucked engine by doing this. Maybe someone who knows something about engines could confirm this. But it's a pissy little van and the engine sound like an over-worked lawn mower when he revs it.
He's done this once while I was making a video and I had to stop until he'd finished because of the noise. Maybe I should actually make it the topic of the video next time it happens. He's also done it very late at night but he stepped waaaaaaay over the line when he did it this morning. At about 6-fucking-a-fucking-m. The only reason he lived through it is I'm so out of it at that time of the morning he'd made a getaway by the time I'd stumbled into some clothes.
Assuming he lives through tonight, he's got the two weeks I'm away to fix the fucking thing. If it happens again after I get back I'll muffle the noise by jamming his fucking head up the exhaust pipe.
In itself, that wouldn't be so bad. But when it finally kicks into life, the ignorant prick revs the guts out of it for about a minute. I'm assuming he does this in the hope the engine won't cut out again. Now, I'm not a mechanical expert but I think he's actually damaging his already fucked engine by doing this. Maybe someone who knows something about engines could confirm this. But it's a pissy little van and the engine sound like an over-worked lawn mower when he revs it.
He's done this once while I was making a video and I had to stop until he'd finished because of the noise. Maybe I should actually make it the topic of the video next time it happens. He's also done it very late at night but he stepped waaaaaaay over the line when he did it this morning. At about 6-fucking-a-fucking-m. The only reason he lived through it is I'm so out of it at that time of the morning he'd made a getaway by the time I'd stumbled into some clothes.
Assuming he lives through tonight, he's got the two weeks I'm away to fix the fucking thing. If it happens again after I get back I'll muffle the noise by jamming his fucking head up the exhaust pipe.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
A noisy computer makes for an angry blog
The fan in my computer is playing up and making a horrible fucking whining noise. At least I hope it's the fan. If it's the hard drive I'm in serious trouble. It's so loud I can't stand being on the computer for long so this will be a short post.
If I wasn't goin on holidays in a few days I'd be arranging to have it fixed but I have too much on my mind to deal with this at the moment. Besides, I have a backup in place now. I went out yesterday and bought me a sleek black MacBook. I'm taking this on holidays so I may well be able to maintain posts in New Zealand by finding wireless internet access points.
It's pretty cool. I can hear the Mac faithful chanting now: "one of us, one of us..." I haven't gone online with the MacBook yet, once I do I'll probably be totally hooked. The kids already think it's fantastic - they spend hours playing with the PhotoBooth software making funny distored pictures.
I may even experiment with the Comic Life software and do some Mr Angry comic strip blog posts. It's a fun little piece of software that splices images into a comic book type of template and lets you add voice ballons etc really easily. It's true what they say about Macs - even the stuff that is essentially toys make them seem better than Windows machines.
Anyway, for now I'm going to sign off and punch my desktop PC for a while.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Cleanliness is next to...
Cleanliness is next to impossible for some people apparently. This is a rather personal rant today, I'm not sure if anyone will actually identify with it. We've had a very hot week in Melbourne - temperatures over 35C pretty much every day. When this happens, I like to go down to the beach towards the end of the day, cool off in the bay and have a barbecue.
One of the nice features of this area is that there are free barbecues near most of the beaches. One of the not nice aspects is that no bastard cleans the fucking barbecues after using them. I reckon nine times out of ten the barbecue is filthy when I go to use it.
I actually left a barbie dirty once and I felt awful about it. I realised too late that I'd brought all my barbie supplies along but hadn't brought anything to clean up the mess I made. The next day I went out and bought a nice set of implements that included this scourer/scraper thingie to clean all the crap off the cooking surface.
It's all about having the right tools, people. Don't take on the job if you don't have the right tools! Little Miss Angry thinks I should make a video showing how filthy most people leave the barbie and compare it to how clean I leave it. I may well do this - it really pisses me off.
Cleaning up after ourself, people - it's what separates us from the animals.
One of the nice features of this area is that there are free barbecues near most of the beaches. One of the not nice aspects is that no bastard cleans the fucking barbecues after using them. I reckon nine times out of ten the barbecue is filthy when I go to use it.
I actually left a barbie dirty once and I felt awful about it. I realised too late that I'd brought all my barbie supplies along but hadn't brought anything to clean up the mess I made. The next day I went out and bought a nice set of implements that included this scourer/scraper thingie to clean all the crap off the cooking surface.
It's all about having the right tools, people. Don't take on the job if you don't have the right tools! Little Miss Angry thinks I should make a video showing how filthy most people leave the barbie and compare it to how clean I leave it. I may well do this - it really pisses me off.
Cleaning up after ourself, people - it's what separates us from the animals.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Arseholes aren't funny
I feel compelled to point out this obvious fact: arseholes aren't funny. The reason I do this is there's an increasing trend in "comedy" to put together a show or an act that simply consists of people being fuckwits.
Arguably, people like Sacha Baron Cohen (AKA Ali G, AKA Borat) are responsible for this. His comedy revolves around behaving in a way that makes people uncomfortable. At his best, he really pushes the envelope of what he can do without being punched in the face. Why I think he gets away with it is (a) he's almost always funny and (b) he makes himself the "stupid" one and acts in such a disarming way that other people end up making fools of themselves.
It seems that other people see his success and think: "I can be more successful that him if I act like a total prick." Funny doesn't enter into it. Some of these shows go for full on physical assault and call it comedy. There can be a fine line between having fun and humiliating people but not in the case of these shows. They take the express train over to Fuckpeopleoversville.
It isn't as if I'm a shrinking violet - I go after people all the time. But not defenseless people in the street. It's marginally funnier when they go after celebrities but they still don't seem to think it's necessary to be funny. "Hey, if we hit a celebrity, what more do we need to do? That's pure comedy gold!"
There was a time when being a sociopath was an impediment in life. These days it seems like a guarantee of getting a TV show. Or even elected president.
Arguably, people like Sacha Baron Cohen (AKA Ali G, AKA Borat) are responsible for this. His comedy revolves around behaving in a way that makes people uncomfortable. At his best, he really pushes the envelope of what he can do without being punched in the face. Why I think he gets away with it is (a) he's almost always funny and (b) he makes himself the "stupid" one and acts in such a disarming way that other people end up making fools of themselves.
It seems that other people see his success and think: "I can be more successful that him if I act like a total prick." Funny doesn't enter into it. Some of these shows go for full on physical assault and call it comedy. There can be a fine line between having fun and humiliating people but not in the case of these shows. They take the express train over to Fuckpeopleoversville.
It isn't as if I'm a shrinking violet - I go after people all the time. But not defenseless people in the street. It's marginally funnier when they go after celebrities but they still don't seem to think it's necessary to be funny. "Hey, if we hit a celebrity, what more do we need to do? That's pure comedy gold!"
There was a time when being a sociopath was an impediment in life. These days it seems like a guarantee of getting a TV show. Or even elected president.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
How to screw up eCommerce
Working in IT, I come into contact with a huge number of techno-idealists. The sort of geeks who think technology is going to change everything. Nerds who think the internet is the pinnacle of achievement. Even zealots who believe that computer programs will spontaneously develop self-awareness and intelligence. I'll tell you why these idealistic views of the future are never going to fully come true:
People are fucking morons.
Every now and then I stumble across a website that really brings home the fact that intelligent computers are never going to happen because unintelligent and/or lazy people are getting in the way. People are always talking about how eCommerce is going to put bricks and mortar shops out of business; a view I take with a grain of salt. Mostly because of how hard most websites make it to give them any money.
Your average shop doesn't make you jump through hoops to spend money. Usually if you even look like getting your wallet out they're all over you. The biggest difficulty you usually get is a disinterested teenager behind the counter who'd rather talk to her boyfriend than serve you.
Recently I had to deal with the height of stupidity from a website. I was trying to buy a "gift certificate" and the had a few denominations listed: $10, $20 and $50. I thought I'd get a $20 voucher but is was marked as "SOLD OUT". How the fuck can it be sold out? It doesn't even exist as such. It isn't as if they have to run out and print some more, it's a fucking electronic transaction.
So long as there are fuckwits doing things like this with websites, eCommerce is never going to take over.
People are fucking morons.
Every now and then I stumble across a website that really brings home the fact that intelligent computers are never going to happen because unintelligent and/or lazy people are getting in the way. People are always talking about how eCommerce is going to put bricks and mortar shops out of business; a view I take with a grain of salt. Mostly because of how hard most websites make it to give them any money.
Your average shop doesn't make you jump through hoops to spend money. Usually if you even look like getting your wallet out they're all over you. The biggest difficulty you usually get is a disinterested teenager behind the counter who'd rather talk to her boyfriend than serve you.
Recently I had to deal with the height of stupidity from a website. I was trying to buy a "gift certificate" and the had a few denominations listed: $10, $20 and $50. I thought I'd get a $20 voucher but is was marked as "SOLD OUT". How the fuck can it be sold out? It doesn't even exist as such. It isn't as if they have to run out and print some more, it's a fucking electronic transaction.
So long as there are fuckwits doing things like this with websites, eCommerce is never going to take over.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
A new front opens in the spam wars
An interesting wrinkle has developed in the ongoing war against comment spam. Spammers have started doing something that I actually suggested they do. Unfortunately they did not follow my suggestion to kill themselves in a painful in gruesome manner. What at least some of them have started doing, however, is to post actual, real comments that are relevant to the post and the only link to their commercial site is in their ID, not in the message itself.
I'm actually slightly conflicted about this. The person(s) responsible are clearly taking the time to write individual comments that are direct responses to the posts in question . They aren't making generic comments and spamming thousands of blogs with them and they aren't filling the comments with URLs and meaningless crap. They are essentially making legitimate comments.
But they're fucking spammers.
I actually deleted these comments after deliberating for a short while. The thing that tipped me towards deleting them is that the comments were made to months old posts which reeks of trying to hide them. They seem to think that if they post comments to old blog posts I'll miss them. They clearly don't understand that I get notifications of every comment. I'm not Robert Scoble getting hundreds of comments a day - I get maybe tens of comments on a good day so I have time to look at them all.
So here's the deal spammers: you're halfway there. Making legitimate comments as a way to promote your commercial ventures is fine, but don't try to hide them from me. It won't work and I'll delete your comment so no hyperlink for you! BUT... if you make legitimate comments to CURRENT posts I'll leave them up - links to your site (in your ID) and all.
Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age.
I'm actually slightly conflicted about this. The person(s) responsible are clearly taking the time to write individual comments that are direct responses to the posts in question . They aren't making generic comments and spamming thousands of blogs with them and they aren't filling the comments with URLs and meaningless crap. They are essentially making legitimate comments.
But they're fucking spammers.
I actually deleted these comments after deliberating for a short while. The thing that tipped me towards deleting them is that the comments were made to months old posts which reeks of trying to hide them. They seem to think that if they post comments to old blog posts I'll miss them. They clearly don't understand that I get notifications of every comment. I'm not Robert Scoble getting hundreds of comments a day - I get maybe tens of comments on a good day so I have time to look at them all.
So here's the deal spammers: you're halfway there. Making legitimate comments as a way to promote your commercial ventures is fine, but don't try to hide them from me. It won't work and I'll delete your comment so no hyperlink for you! BUT... if you make legitimate comments to CURRENT posts I'll leave them up - links to your site (in your ID) and all.
Maybe I'm getting soft in my old age.
Monday, January 01, 2007
An Angry New Year
I've never made a New Year's resolution and I'm not about to start now. The only arbitrarily timed resolutions I make are for each 100 blog posts I make. I realised today that my 400th post would go live when I'm on my New Zealand holiday. Given that I'm likely to only be making short posts and/or using guest posts while on holidays I probably won't have the time to focus on my goals for the next 100 posts.
I only point this out to head off anyone who's particularly attentive and/or anally retentive. I really don't like it when people tell me what I should be doing. So I won't be ignoring this landmark but I probably won't set my goals I want to reach before post 500 until I get back from my holiday. So now you know.
And while I'm not making any new year's resolutions I do have some predictions for you, courtesy of the Blogging Bot from the future:
So that was my last video for 2006 (the 206th for anyone who's counting). Now I have to go and work on my first for 2007.
I only point this out to head off anyone who's particularly attentive and/or anally retentive. I really don't like it when people tell me what I should be doing. So I won't be ignoring this landmark but I probably won't set my goals I want to reach before post 500 until I get back from my holiday. So now you know.
And while I'm not making any new year's resolutions I do have some predictions for you, courtesy of the Blogging Bot from the future:
So that was my last video for 2006 (the 206th for anyone who's counting). Now I have to go and work on my first for 2007.
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