Must. Not. Fap.

Ahhhh, Internet. You never cease to provide me with immature things to enjoy. Tonight while I was doing a live BlogTV show and the subject turned to fapping (as it so often does). Specifically, we were talking talking about this video and the line "are you fapping?"

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u02KFm67uIc]

Then I'm pretty sure I traumatised someone by telling them to search on Google images for "fapping" which turned up the "must not fap" meme. Then to humour people I posed for a "must not fap" image so people could screen cap it and make fun of me.

Then things kind of took off. One of the viewers posted a pic to 4Chan and the rest piled on. I'm informed that these threads don't stay up long so there's no point in posting a link here, but I did save a lot of the images.

Enjoy these few. I will be using all the images I saved in the remix video.

Carbon Trading is probably bullshit

I've gone online a few times talking about global warming/climate change, mainly to say how much the deniers piss me off. It's one thing when people disagree with you and you have different value systems so you think their opinion is crap. But what infuriates me about global warming deniers is that their arguments are direct lies. The crap they spout is literally the direct opposite of the truth.

Their ridiculous arguments have been debunked again and again, there is NO peer reviewed science that supports their position, literally none, and it makes no fucking difference. They simply will not shut up. They even lie about wanting to "debate". They don't want to debate, that would involve listening to the other side and acknowledging when the truth is spoken. All they do is launch a non-stop verbal assault and try to batter their opponents into submission.

Every single aspect of their position is dishonest and quite frankly contemptible. Which is why I refuse to indulge them in their little game. Any of their talk about "engagement" is meaningless lies and so fuck them. I'll just enjoy my time insulting them because that's all that's left to me.

A separate issue to the truth of climate change which lying fucktard deniers tend to say is the same issue is whether or not carbon trading is a viable solution. My short answer is I don't think so. It reeks of bullshit. There's a good article here covering why carbon trading plans are likely to fail and a really funny one by Matt Taibbi in Rolling Stonethat's mainly ripping Goldman Sachs apart but also points out the fact that their promotion of carbon trading almost guarantees its failure.

Also, I had fun ranting about it on YouTube

Beneath Contempt

I was playing around with some ideas on creative ways to insult morons who leave stupid comments ("go fuck yourself" is an old standby but I like to have a bit of variety) and I ended up expressing myself (as I so so often do) through t-shirts. I've gone for a variety of ways of saying someone is beneath contempt as follows:

While these designs are fun, I wanted something that I could use as a response to stupid comments that the haters wouldn't understand. Inside jokes are fun and confusing morons is even more fun. And so I came up with a pseudo-Venn diagram with "Contempt" as a large circle with a small circle underneath it (beneath contempt). It's rounded off with the explanation "you are the small circle" which becomes the reply I will give to comments that are beneath contempt.

I also explained this via a YouTube video with the help of one of the sexy models provided by Zazzle:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxpzCFTcj98]

Finally, as a result of several suggestions, I've also turned the phrase into a de-motivational poster:

The image is one of the designs that have been done for me by a YouTube friend, DrakeMagnum. The good news (as far as I'm concerned) is that he feels inspired to do a new design based on this idea. I can't wait to see it!

Police to issue $100 fines for swearing

Every now and then a news story comes along that seems so tailor made for me I simplyhave to do a video about it. This is one of those stories.

Melbourne Street Art

One of the things I love making videos of is the awesome street art/graffiti around Melbourne. The city is renowned as having some of the best street art in the world and despite the occasional bleating of various city and state governments the large scale quality works are extremely popular.

There's always a problem with taggers scrawling their shit over people's property in general and over actual quality pieces in particular. The fact that they scrawl over the really good works sums them up for me - talentless little pieces of shit who get jealous of people who can actually do something worthwhile and want to drag them down. When they can't even respect what they consider their own "scene" you know they are total fucking losers.

Actually, the thing that probably shits me most about taggers is how they defend their own stupidity. They will actually blather on about how the scene needs taggers. Talentless, childish and seriously fucking deluded to boot.

Anyhow, I made a couple of videos of street art this weekend and I thought I'd share them here. This first video is mostly newer work that I haven't shot before. Most of it is in one of the city hotspots - Hosier Lane near Federation Square and there's also a sequence that was shot in St Kilda in a lane off Acland Street.

This second video is essentially showing off a new effect I discovered when I upgraded to the latest version of my video editing software (Corel {formerly Ulead} Video Studio for those who are interested). I was going to shoot some new stills of some fairly extensive works around a tram stop and pedestrian subway on St Kilda Road but the whole area was being torn up for roadworks when I went there.

So I decided to use some old photos from about four years ago. It's highly likely none of these pieces exist any more as the artists tend to paint over them every year or two. So this video has become a tribute to the ephemeral nature of street art - commemorating works that have passed away.

Or maybe it's just pretty pictures.

The music in these videos is by my friend Kipp AKA Vortex who always comes through with good tracks when I need them.

Cute animals that will rip your face off

Australia is somewhat famous for lethal animals like sharks, crocodiles and snakes. On a more pleasant note, we are also known for extremely cute. The horrible truth that the tourism board doesn't want you to know is the cute animals will kill you too if you give them a chance.

Stupid woman sues Google for stupid reason

I do like it when I get the opportunity to highlight someone who's just really fucking stupid in a really frivolous and meaningless way. Often when I'm compiling material for a blog post or a TFU Friday video it's fairly heavy or at least contentious.

But some people are stupid, pure and simple. I like to keep my moments of stupidity private. I certainly don't do things that would draw the world's attention to my idiocy. Not so, Lauren Rosenberg of Park City, Utah. She used Google maps to get walking directions. All fine so far. Then the directions she was following essentially suggested she should walk down a highway that didn't have a footpath. But that's OK because she isn't a moron.

Oh wait, yes she is.

This moron walked into traffic on a highway and surprise, surprise, she got hit by a car. That's stupid and embarrassing but if that was the end of it I'd cut her some slack. Everyone does stupid things sometimes.

That wasn't the end of it.

This unbelievable fucking moron thinks she now has the right to sue Google because she's stupid enough to walk onto a highway. If she was dead she'd be a sure thing for this year's Darwin award but she's alive so she's a prime candidate for most frivolous lawsuit of the year. I'll go out on a limb and say she's going to lose the case, not least because Google include a disclaimer about this sort of thing.

So she suffered a painful accident. She's a laughing stock around the world. And I doubt she's learned anything by it. Stupid people are like that.

WAINGAFAT Wednesday - Quitting Facebook

There has been so much pants wetting lately about the evils of Facebook and how everyone should quit. Frankly, I don't give a fuck. The real problem is stupid people who post embarrassing stuff online with the deluded idea that it won't spread outside their immediate circle of friends. Or the really stupid ones who talk to the New York Times about how they were scared Facebook would expose what a drunken whore they are. Not to mention people who don't know how fucking stupid they look.

Anyway, if you watch this video, you'll discover my secret method for stopping Facebook from sharing your private information no matter how they change their privacy settings.