Sunday, September 30, 2007

Ways you can tell I'm leaving my job #2

I do stuff like this:

OK, to tell the truth, that was a joke, I didn't really print that out at work. I cunningly chose a white background to save money and had it printed at one of those all night copy centres. It was quite a reasonable price.

Friday, September 28, 2007

As One Sydney YouTube Gathering November 24th

Well, when we announced the As One Melbourne gathering for YouTube users, viewers, afficianados and people who just wanted to look at the freakshow, a common reaction was "Why not in Sydney." Simple really, we don't live in Sydney. This sort of thing is hard enough to organise where you live. Trying to set something up in a city 900km away is bloody impossible.

So we put the call out: does anyone in Sydney want to step up and organise a gathering? And Sydney came through!

Me, I'm doing a road trip. The East coast may not survive.

Unnecessary instructions

I believe I've made my views known before regarding people with OCD-like tendencies about cleanliness. The short version is: they're freaks. The slightly longer version is you can be arguably correct about a topic (e.g. many surfaces are covered in germs) and still be a weirdo freak about it.

I bring this up because someone at work has seen fit to put up a sign in the toilets about washing your hands. To call the instructions "a little elaborate" is on par with calling the ocean "a little bit wet". I could understand having detailed hand-washing instructions at a "special needs" school but do adults really need six illustrations to show them how to do it?

I think I know who put the sign there. I suspect it's the guy who not only obsessively washes his hands (I usually see him doing it about eight times a day) but who actually wears gloves all day so his skin doesn't touch any surfaces. Besides having six illustrations showing you how to complete such onerous tasks as put water on your hands, the sign also has these suggestions of when to wash your hands:

Before eating
I know this one gets mentioned pretty widely but I honestly never do this unless my hands are actually dirty. And by dirty I mean "have dirt on them" rather than being covered in untold legions of invisible microbes. I wash my hands before preparing food but not before eating it.

After going to the toilet. Some people wash their hands both before and after.
Yes. Those people are called freaks.

After touching dirt or any other substance.
What the fuck does this even mean? Isn't everything a "substance"? When I see Mr OCD washing his hands continually it leads me to believe he takes this quite literally.

After coming into contact with any surface that might have germs.
Ha! That's open slather for the OCD crew! EVERYTHING has germs on it, just ask them. And yes, you could test swabs from pretty much any non-sterile environment and they would reveal germs. But so fucking what? Humanity has survived for millennia without bathing everything in antiseptic. Besides which, there are studies suggesting that this explosion of anti-bacterial cleansing is doing nothing more than breeding super bugs.

I'm tempted to let things run their course and eventually have the anti-germ nazis killed by their own obsessions. But the bastards are taking us with them. I say, purely in the name of self-preservation, we kill all the clean freaks.

It's us or them.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Fun ways to break a drought

Things are looking pretty shit in Australia, drought-wise. We're supposed to get most of our rain in Spring (which is now). It didn't happen at all last year and it's looking disturbingly like it isn't going to happen this year. Most of the country has been facing drought conditions for more than 10 years now making it the worst drought on record. With no Spring rain things would move way beyond critical.

Right now it seems the most moisture on farmlands is coming from farmers cutting their wrists. The current dire situation has made it clear sitting around waiting for it to rain is not a viable solution. It would be nice if some action had been taken BEFORE things got critical but some people apparently need to be kicked in the balls repeatedly until they get the point. Steps like essentially re-routing rivers, desalination plants and the politically unpalatable option of water recycling are underway now.

People's reaction to recycled water confounds me. They let their psychological problems with the concept (we're essentially taking about treated sewage) trump the fact that they'll have no fucking water without it. The water treatment facilities used in recycling mean the water they produce is as clean as, as safe as and tastes the same as water that comes straight from a reservoir. I can't help thinking that people who can't get past the mental image of this being poopy water deserve to die of thirst.

So there are a few ideas being followed to at least alleviate drought conditions. But after reading a story about China's efforts to deal with their own drought problems, I think Australia is on the wrong track. Sure, China is building massive reservoirs and following other traditional approaches. But they're also firing Big Fucking Guns. They have been aggressively pursuing cloud seeding for years by (among other things) firing artillery shells into clouds.

For any female readers who don't get why this is so cool, it's a guy thing. Big guns that make loud bangs are cool. I suspect being a farmer in an impoverished, drought stricken rural area of China is pretty damn hard. But hey, they're being given rocket launchers and anti-aircraft guns to fire into the sky.

I think the Chinese authorities are on a huge winner here. First, it might actually work. Second, even if it doesn't work, the farmers will be having so much fun firing the big guns they won't mind so much. Actually, maybe too much fun. I can imagine a situation where after a lot of rain someone from the Party comes to check on the crops and find nothing was ever planted. When the Party official confronts the farmer he gets a blank look and the farmer says:

"I'm a what now? A farmer? Oh wow, sorry, I totally spaced on the whole farming thing. Firing this Big Fucking Gun is so cool I forgot I was meant to be doing anything else."

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Ways you can tell I'm leaving my current job #1

In a meeting discussing some technical issues about database integration one cow-orker said to another cow-orker:

"You're trying to force things into the back end."

I couldn't resist and responded:

"That's what your mum said," and burst out laughing.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Memo to a filthy beast

I'm really glad nobody at work reads my blog. Even if I managed to avoid getting fired for it, nobody would talk to me for fear of appearing in a blog post. If my blog was circulated around work, I'd particularly like it to reach a particular individual whose identity I don't know. I'll explain in the form of an office memo.

MEMO TO: The filthy fucking beast who had a shit explosion in the middle toilet cubicle

FROM: All the decent humans in this workplace

RE: Well, the "TO" line pretty much says it all

Hello. You disgusting fucking animal. So it seems you have a case of explosive diarrhoea. I don't hold this against you. We've all had unhappy visits to Arse Explosion Town. But why in the hell would you not clean up after yourself?

I'm not saying you have to clean every skid mark off the bowl every time. But is it too much to ask that you don't leave liquefied shit sprayed all over the place? It is simply impossible that you did not realise this had happened. I am not a forensic specialist but the spectacular spray patterns speak to a particularly forceful bowel eruption. There's no way you didn't feel it.

It is among the less pleasant experiences a human can suffer to walk into a toilet cubicle and be confronted with such a mess. It's bad enough when this shit happens in a public toilet but at work? We're supposed to be professionals. We're supposed to be adults. We're supposed to be fucking human ferchrissake! Last I looked there were no shit-slinging howler monkeys employed here.

I'm guessing that you saw the unholy fecal fresco you created and thought "That's gross, I'm not going near that." Poor, sensitive you. How the fuck do you think I felt when it confronted me? The level of contempt this action displays for your co-workers leads me to suspect you're the same prick that stole my piece of chocolate cake out of the fridge.

I can almost see how that played out too. You saw it and wondered whose it was. You may have even asked a few people if it was theirs. When nobody claimed it you decided you would eat it. Because you didn't know who owned it. Well you knew fucking well you didn't own the fucking cake didn't you, you thieving fucking bastard!

Anyway, in summary: you're a disgusting vile animal. I hope you stay anonymous because I'm not sure I could resist punching you in the face if I knew who you were. Oh, and I cleaned you mess up. You know how? There was a scrubbing brush, right there in the cubicle. You might try learning how to use one someday.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

World Record Group LiveBlogging - Decmber 1st

So another brainwave from SeanBedlam for the Melbourne As One YouTube gathering is aiming for a world record for the largest number of people liveblogging from the same event. There is some finetuning to be done, like defining how to measure the record. I've never heard of anyone claiming this record before so I think we have a bit of leeway.

My biggest concern is not with the record but with Sean's insistence on referring to video blogging as vlogging. Attentive long-term readers/video viewers will know that I prefer the term yologging for reasons that are to obvious to require repeating here. Although I will explain it in the following video.

A bit of background for the video. The key organisers of the Melbourne As One gathering are Sean, Adrian Calear and me. We decided to record some of our planning sessions for posterity. Because the future will want to see our genius at work. The framing and sound in this video are kind of crap but I think it's worth watching. And even though we play up to the camera occasionally, none of this is scripted.

You see the sort of disrespect I have to put up with?

Friday, September 21, 2007

Australian YouTube Gathering - As One Melbourne December 1st

So I can finally go public with my other big news. Along with notorious YouTuber SeanBedlam (AKA Sean Burke) and my good friend Adrian Calear, I have been involved in organising the first big YouTube gathering in Australia. We are having a gathering in Melbourne on Saturday, December 1st.

Our original plan (and the one I still want to happen) was to have a gathering in Sydney on the previous weekend. This was mainly so we could have a road trip between the two gatherings. The problem has been that we couldn't find someone on the ground in Sydney to commit to organise things. But it isn't too late! Anyone who lives in Sydney who fancies themselves as an organiser should contact us and we'll do everything we can to support an event in Sydney.

The gathering in Melbourne will be at Federation Square, right next to Flinders Street Station in the city. This is going to be far more than a bunch of people gathering in the same place to meet each other (although that alone would be good). We're partnering with the people who run Fed Square and the Australian Centre for the Moving Image (ACMI - which is right in Fed Square) to make it a great event. There are some fantastic facilities at Federation Square and ACMI and I'm looking forward to showing some of them off in the lead-up.

It looks like the launch has gone off with a bang on YouTube with one of the highest profile Australians on YouTube, Blunty3000, putting up a video celebrating us finally having a gathering in Australia.

Cory Williams (AKA MR Safety of SMP Films) will also be helping promote the event. Cory ran the first successful large scale YouTube gatherings in Hollywood and San Francisco under the banner "As One". The San Francisco As One gathering in particular has been described by attendees as "life changing". So with Cory's help (and hopefully the whole YouTube community's help) As One Melbourne will be even better. Cosmos changing maybe.

Anyway, here's my launch video:

And here's Cory's As One videos from Hollywood:

And San Francisco:

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Give me straight answer!

In case you thought I'd gone all soft from getting such good news about the New York deal:


The same shit happens in personal relationships and work relationships. You ask a straight question and you don't get a straight answer. Or you ask a simple yes/no question and get a vague answer that isn't yes or no. Or you ask an open question and the person answers with a yes or no that doesn't make any sense. Sometimes it seems clear the person is doing it deliberately to be evasive. Sometimes they don't seem to realise they're doing it. And sometimes they do it because they don't give a shit about you.

Politicians are, of course, past masters at this. That's because most of them are pathological liars who are scared to commit to anything. They're driven by polls rather than any actual commitment to an ideal. And I'm NOT talking about politicians who change their minds. I get so angry when somebody who's actually willing to think about an issue is called a "flip-flopper".

Yeah, being willing to consider that circumstances can change is a serious fucking character flaw. The idiocy of associating intelligence and open-mindedness with weakness was best summed up by Steven Colbert when he ripped George W Bush apart at the 2006 Whitehouse Correspondent's Dinner. His description of W:

"The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man's beliefs never will."

That sums him up perfectly. That sort of attitude isn't resolute and clear. It's fucking stupid.

I actually wandered a bit of the topic there. What got me in this mood was a little "issue" at work recently. Part of my job is defining the requirements for the project we're working on. I don't agree with the attitude some people have about requirements being carved in stone, but once they get signed off you need a pretty clear reason to change them.

Changing requirements doesn't necessarily mean a project is in trouble. In fact it's often a positive sign - people are thinking and finding ways to improve things. But when someone won't give straight answers about their motivations it drives me fucking crazy. Here's a little discussion that happened at work recently. I've broken it up into what "he" said, what I said and in brackets what I was saying in my head.

HE SAID: We need the integration function between the systems to bring across these extra fields

I SAID: Where did this requirement come from?
(Hey, I did this one, what are you trying to pin on me?)

HE: There are some fields that will be needed in this report that the integration

I: What are you basing that on?
(Seriously, what the fuck are you up to?)

HE: We don't want to have to add these fields manually, that's too much extra work.

I: But why is this coming up now? Everyone involved agreed we had everything we needed covered.
(Don't fuck with me over this, I'm not in the mood.)

HE: Looking at this report, I see some fields that are missing.

I: But what was the source of this requirement?
(Why won't you answer the question I'm asking?)

HE: There are these fields...

I: What conversation with what person triggered this? What makes you bring this up now? I went over these requirements in fine detail with everyone involved and what you are saying was never mentioned as a requirement.
(I mean it, six fucking meetings with 20 fucking people. Don't try and make it look like I'm not doing my job.)

HE: We're going to need to add these fields...

I: Shut the fuck up! You're making this shit up! I'm not taking your crap, I'm out of here.
(Maybe we should schedule another meeting with all the stakeholders to work out what's really required.)

The moral of this story is: Don't have conversations in your head while you're talking to someone because you might get them confused.

Mr Angry to take Manhattan?

The New York deal is looking good.

I want to take a moment to thank everyone for all the positive responses to my post from yesterday. It's obviously exciting to me that I might get to go on US network TV but it's also really gratifying to get such a show of support from everyone. And not just for this specific incident; the support and feedback I've received from readers over the last 18 months is what keeps me going.

The story so far: I got the expected call from the TV guy last night and it went well. This is for a show that will be produced by the news/current affairs department at this network in New York. Apparently they are doing a show all about anger and they want to interview me for it.

The guy asked me a whole bunch of questions about my blog, my character, why I'm angry, all that sort of thing. He's going to take his notes to his producer where I guess the final decision on whether or not to use me is made. He said I should hear in the next week or so.

I don't actually know if they plan to do more than one show or whether they might use me for 5 seconds or 5 minutes. I guess I'll find out more as I go along. Still. T fucking V! Me! And it ain't cable, baby! (No disrespect to the fine folks at The Fizz on DirecTV who have been very good to me over the last year)

I'll hold off actually giving identifying details regarding the network until things get verified. I'm not sure if that's important but it feels like the right thing to do at the moment. Plus it adds an element of suspense. Which network will debut Mr Angry? It's sure to be the talk of tinsel town. Or possibly not.

As for people suggesting some sort of get-together if I get there: FUCK YES! I'd love that! I've never been to New York so I'm going to be a bit of a goggle-eyed tourist. Some local help would be appreciated. My only regret is I'm unlikely to have an opportunity to do any sort of a road trip. I'd love to explore some more of the country and meet a few more people but I don't think I'll have the time.

Obviously when I get my own series or make a feature film I'll make the time to get around a bit more ;)

Here's how I announced the news on YouTube:

I have to add, I'm really pleased this possible break has come from the blog, not YouTube. The TV guy in question found me via my famous alli diet pill post from a few months back. It just goes to show, kids: writing about pooping your pants is the path to success.

I've mentioned on several occasions in the past how not being featured on YouTube has pissed me off. That's the easy path to lots of recognition and I'll be honest; it frustrates me that they feature some real shit and haven't featured me. I've been more philosophical about it recently. As I approach the twin milestones of 1000 subscribers and one million views I actually feel good that I accomplished that without the help of being featured. That's an achievement I can own.

I almost wrote that I'd done it alone but that isn't true. I've had great support from a couple of people, most notably Cory Williams (Mr Safety) of SMP Films. People in the community have been great to me - it's the YouTube editors who haven't done me any favours.

But this potential New York gig is all about the blog. That belongs to me and you, dear readers. And that feels damn good!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Holy Fucking Shit!

It looks like I might be going to New York.

I mentioned in a previous post that although some negative things had happened to me recently I wasn't sinking into depression because of the good things happening in my life. I woke up to an email this morning that blew me away.

It seems that somebody working for a US television network read my alli diet pill post and liked it. A lot. They think they can use me on a show. On a major US network. This would involve me flying to New York in October.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

OK, to allay anyone's fears about my potential naivety: my first reaction was "This is bullshit". Some bastard was winding me up so they could make fun of me for being excited by the prospect. There was a phone number included in the email for me to call. My suspicion was that any call I made would go through to voicemail. There would be a recording of me getting all excited and maybe giving away some personal details that would later be used to humiliate me.

Not this little black duck! You don't get me that easy. The return email address was from a TV network's domain but it's easy enough to fake a return email address. BUT it's easy enough for me to send an email directly to the TV station to find out if this guy is real. Then I get to do a blog post and video saying how I outsmarted the prick that wanted to prank me.

Ummmmm, it appears not. It's for real. He replies with an email saying "haha I understand your caution, how do I prove I'm real? Here's the number for the switchboard - call them and ask to be put through to me." Yeah, that's a pretty good way to prove this isn't a prank.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

So I called the switchboard. By the way, the switch operator lived up to every Australian's stereotype (good and bad) of an American telephone operator. She had a syrupy sweet voice and used all the "how may I direct your call" lines to perfection. Her intonation was so friendly and perfect it seemed creepily unrealistic. But that's probably just me.

Right now I'm on my lunch break at work and I haven't been able to form a single fucking coherent thought all day. And they're kinda expecting me to do a few things today. Sucks to be them. I've actually given four weeks notice at this job so I can work on another big project. So right now, this job doesn't seem like the most important thing in the world to me. I'm sure my professionalism will win out though and I'll do the boring, non-life-changing stuff that's expected of me.

Once I have some solid details I'll be letting anyone interested (and doubtless quite a few people who aren't interested) know all about it. My other big project is in its last stages of stealth mode so I should be shouting that from the rooftops this week as well.

The big project I've been working on with others has been in planning for months. We're just about to lock in the final critical details (basically, a date) and then we'll be going public. Which is just as well because my brain has been on the edge of exploding having to keep this stuff secret. The big project and the possible TV thing feel like the culmination of what I've been doing online for the last 18 months, even if I didn't realise what it is I've been doing. Now I have to go back to work... I'll have to find some way to disguise the fact I don't give a shit about it right now.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Mr Angry learns to manage his angry feelings

Have you ever been in a situation where someone drops "hints" about a problem they think you have? They don't come out and say anything to you but they might leave an article about Alcoholics Anonymous lying about or maybe a brochure titled "So You're Having Erectile Dysfunction Problems?" I don't know why I went for those two. Nobody's ever left them lying around for me. Honest.

The people who do this type of thing call themselves "helpful". I call them passive-aggressive jerks. In this video, I discuss what I learned when someone left a booklet titled "Managing Angry Feelings" on my keyboard.

Remember: if you aren't angry, you clearly aren't paying enough attention to what's going on.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

I have angered God

God has spoken to me. I used to think that people who claimed God spoke to them were crazy, or self-serving televangelists trying to swindle gullible people out of their money. But now God has spoken to me so maybe those other people weren't lying and/or deluded.

So what has God said to me? A lot of things, but the divine communiques can be summarised as "You done fucked up son. Now I'm going to fuck things up for you for a while." I wasn't given a lot of specifics about how I'd fucked up, it was more a case of a cavalcade of punishments to make it clear I had displeased the creator.

Anyone who has been reading this blog will know about how I appear to have been blacklisted by Google. I still don't know what to do about that. I haven't been going on about it at length or doing particularly angry rants which may surprise some. The reason for this is that it is rather important to me. Most of my angry rants are actually about things I don't care much about, done for comedic value.

This Google thing is quite disheartening. A real kick in the balls actually. The timing is appalling too because I was about to use the blog to publicise an upcoming event but that's impossible if I'm blacklisted. Actually, I've done a little research that suggests I'm not technically blacklisted because my site shouldn't show up at all if I was on a blacklist. It's just that for some reason I don't show up anywhere on any of the search terms I used to be top for. Whatever. It's still fucked.

Then I have a whole cavalcade of shit happening with my car that's going to cost me about a thousand bucks to fix up. I'll spare you the details but let me say that I'm an innocent party in all of this. If that old lady didn't want to get hit she should have walked across the pedestrian crossing quicker. I haven't been helped by the fact that both her sons are cops. Now I'm being persecuted.

I think it's because I'm black*.

So why haven't I lost my shit over this? Well, to sound sappy for a minute, my partner and kids are a very big help in this area. Without them I'd be in a far worse mood. Second, there is some very exciting good stuff happening in my life at the moment too. So good, it far outweighs the bad. It's still in the planning stages and I can't say much more until some details are finalised.

Hopefully by mid-week the final arrangements will be confirmed and I can go public. Here's a hint in the meantime: there's a reason I've been making videos promoting Melbourne lately.

Fo now, I'll struggle manfully on. I had been meaning to post more often for the last week but these various event had sucked the motivation out of me for a while. Hopefully, this week I will be back to normal.

*NOTE: I'm not actually black. But the various white supremacists and self-proclaimed nazis I have crossed paths with online have called me black, jewish, muslim, asian, lebanese and gay so I think that counts. Plus I've been playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto lately and the cops in that game persecute my character for being black. And for all those car-jackings and drive-bys I do.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Angry Comix#4 - Watching God, Inc

I'm rather easily led. So many people have been telling me to do more of the comics that I decided to go ahead and do some more. All I had to do is decide on the script. Then I had a brainwave.

One of my most viewed ever videos on YouTube is also, bizarrely enough, one of my worst. The jokes in it are pretty good but I made almost no effort when shooting it. It has multiple characters but when I cut between them, they're actually sitting in the same seat and facing in the same direction so it makes no sense visually.

The video was a response to a featured video called "God, Inc". It's essentially a sitcom set in heaven but heaven is this really crappy office environment with all the bureaucracy and petty politics that happens in an office. I thought it was really funny and perfectly suited for a response from my "demon" characters. Basically, my idea was they see "God, Inc" as their competition.

I did the video a day before I went on my New Zealand holiday so I was thinking far more about my holiday than the video. Then about two days later I checked my email at an internet cafe in New Zealand. The inbox was full of comments from YouTube. It turns out that God, Inc was quite popular and my video was the only response they approved at the time so I was getting thousands of views a day.

And, surprise surprise, I was getting dozens of stupid comments a day. Quite a few positive ones at well but the morons were making themselves well and truly known. I had enormous amounts of fun ripping into the haters, most of them were stupid enough to leave themselves wide open. But truth be told, I knew I'd made a pretty ordinary effort with the video.

For ages I'd been promising myself I'd redo the video properly but I'd never gotten around to it. It can be a little difficult to shoot the pieces with more than one character but I realised this would be ideal for the comic medium. It's much easier to incorporate multiple characters when you're only using still images.

So here it is, my God, Inc response done as a comic:

For completists, here is the original God, Inc video:

And here's my original response video:

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I think Google has blacklisted me

I noticed the weirdest thing today. One of my regular YouTube viewers mentioned he couldn't find my blog on Google. When I check some of my old standby search terms ("Mr Angry", "Angry Blog", "foreskin blog") I wasn't showing up. At first I thought they might have recalibrated their algorithm which resulted in me being moved further down the list.

Then I actually put in "angryaussie" and got back a whole bunch of stuff from YouTube and some other sites but nothing from my blog. It's always possible that this is not about me specifically - maybe they've just demoted hosted blogs generally. But I have no idea how to find out what's happening.

If anyone has any expertise in this area (that includes working out what the hell happened and what the hell I can do about it) I'd appreciate some advice.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Why our next Prime Minister got drunk in a strip club

I was asked recently in a comment why I write about US politics and not Australian politics. This is mainly because Australian politics is boring. I'm not vain enough to think what happens on this remote island has much effect on the world stage. Decisions and actions taken by the US administration, on the other hand, affect pretty much the whole world.

That said, I'll tell you the most interesting things about Oz politics right now. We're having an election some time in the next six months (the Prime Minister gets to set the date within a certain range and he hasn't set it yet.) All the polls point to a fairly massive loss for the incumbent conservative government. A few key points about how our political system differs from the US:

  • We have a Westminster-style parliament (like England)
  • We don't have a president
  • If your party (or coalition) wins the most seats in the House of Representatives (analogous to the US Congress) you win the government. The head of your party runs things and is known as the Prime Minister
  • All of the ministers in the Cabinet (analogous to US "Secretary of..." roles) are elected representative, NOT appointed as they are in the US
  • The conservatives in Australia (broadly analogous to US Republicans) are a coalition of the Liberal and National Parties. The "Liberal" bit will be confusing to those used to US political terminology, I know
  • The other party (broadly analogous to Democrats) is known as the Labor party
  • There is actually a party called the Democrats. They're losers. There's only a few of them left and they're facing extinction

The current government (Liberal/National coalition) have been in power with the same Prime Minister since 1996. I am not a supporter of this regime. I'm sure they'll learn to live with that. I'll give PM John Howard credit for two things: first, he's a survivor. Members of his own party tried to screw him over for years. Ultimately he won and they lost. Second, for ten years he completely neutered pretty much all opposition. The Labor party were his bitch for years.

That all changed when Labor got a new leader in the form of Kevin Rudd. The guy is teflon. No attack on him sticks. And now the Liberals are staring down the barrel of a really humiliating defeat at the next election. The title of this post refers to my favourite failed attempt to smear Rudd.

The story broke recently that Rudd visited Scores "gentlemen's club" in Manhattan in 2003 with fellow Labor MP Warren Snowdon and New York Post editor Col Allan during a taxpayer-funded trip when he was opposition foreign affairs spokesman. Because Rudd is a Christian with a fairly clean image some may have thought this would hurt his reputation and his lead in the polls. Not so.

I'll be honest, it was Rudd's goody-two-shoes Christianity that gave me doubts about him. I'm uncomfortable with governments anywhere being run according to theology (any theology). So I felt this actually humanised him a little. Public reaction shows I'm not alone in thinking that. He even has the greatest defence if someone tries to embarrass him with specifics ("Did you get a lapdance?" "Were the strippers hot?" "Who was your favourite?")

He was too drunk to remember anything! Legend! I actually suspect this story was leaked by his own side. Obviously, it's been known about for ages in political circles but it wasn't given to the media or at least no media ran with it. If you knew Australians you'd realise that thinking this would hurt his image is a stupid idea. He's much more of a bloke now. And he'll probably be Prime Minister soon.

So I mentioned the things I give current PM John Howard credit for, what don't I like about him? Simple - his politics. He's a very dry conservative economically and extremely conservative socially. He's overwhelmingly committed to ideology over pragmatism. Most of the time this has served him well but it's led to some spectacular blunders.

He's staunchly anti-union and introduced laws that tilted workplace relations heavily in favour of employers over employees. Unions had been dying a natural death - membership was steadily dwindling because people didn't think they needed them. Then Howard introduces a raft of draconian industrial laws that scare the crap out of people, making them run to unions. The man who hates unions gave them their biggest membership boost in 20 years.

His other blunder (in my opinion) has been how he's handled the Australian/US alliance. This alliance is incredibly important to Australia but the alliance is about countries, not political parties. Howard has tied himself intimately to President Bush and is without doubt Bush's most loyal supporter in the world. Seriously. Bush treats Howard better than any other world leader when he visits because no other world leader supports Bush so strongly.

Howard has criticised opposition politicians who have criticised Bush's policies saying they are hurting the alliance. Yet Howard has had no hesitation in attacking Democrats who may well form the next US administration. This sort of hypocrisy and political game playing really pisses me off. In fact, I lost all respect for Howard when he repeated the appalling Republican talking points about a vote for the Democrats being a vote for terrorists, a subject I tackled in the following video for The Fizz Newzz:

Monday, September 10, 2007

High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens nude photos and video - for real!

How stupid would you have to be to be working for Disney AND taking nude photos of yourself. It turns out the stories about the star of Disney's Move High School Musical 2, Vanessa Hudgens, doing nude photos are true. She could win an Academy Award AND a Nobel Prize and she'd still be more famous for these nude photos.

Mind you, if this ruins her career she could always have a second life as a soft core porn star. Some well placed Google Adsense ads and she could make a fortune talking about sex like Emmalina. Millions of horny males would flock to hear her talk about her lesbian sex experiences with co-stars, having to indulge in anal sex, oral sex and orgies on the Disney casting couch (come on - you know those Disney types are wild deviants and perverts when they get going). She's 18 so it doesn't count as child porn but those sick bastard pedophiles have an active imagination. OK, now I've made myself feel dirty.

I hate having to explain things like this to my kids. And huge billboards covered in strippers or ads for erectile dysfunction or penis enlargement. But this is the world we live in. How much of this stupid crap has to happen before people actually realise that this is a stupid way to behave? I'm hoping by the time my kids are teenagers these cautionary tales will have sunk in - there's no such thing as "private" nude photos.

And here's the video I made in a blatant grab for horndog viewers:

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Crazy Windows Error Messages

Here's the sort of thing I do when I'm bored. I found a site that lets you generate authentic looking Windows error messages. It's good for a bit of aimless fun and I used it to put together the following comic:

Video version

Still version
Window error messages Page_1

Windows error messages Page_2

Windows error messages Page_3

If you want to make your own error messages, go to the Atom Smasher website.

Friday, September 07, 2007

What's a Republican's favourite sex fetish?

The cavalcade of embarrassing revelations about the secret lives of ultra-conservatives that seem
to come out every day have me wondering. Is the easiest way to work out what a Republican's fetish is to look at what he denounces? Consider the evidence provided bu just a few recent examples:

  • Bob Allen (Florida Chairman of John McCain's Presidential Campaign) gets caught offering a dude money to suck his dick in a public toilet. Turns out dude was an undercover cop.
  • Glen Murphy Jnr (National Chairman of the Young Republicans) is facing charges for sucking a sleeping dude's dick. Turns out sleeping dude wasn't a willing participant
  • Senator Larry Craig is another closeted Republican with the poor judgement to proposition an undercover cop in a public toilet
  • Mark Foley, champion of all who oppose child predators online, spends his free time sending sexually explicit text messages to teenagers who work in his office
  • Ted Haggard, leader of the National Association of Evangelicals, gets busted for liaisons with a gay prostitute that involve plenty of butt sex and crack smoking. This guy's my personal favourite as despite railing against "immorality" generally and homosexuality specifically for years, he managed to (a) hook up with a prostitute (b) have plenty of gay sex and (c) do hard drugs.
I have nothing against rational adults engaging in consensual sex (gay, prostitute-assisted or otherwise) and even doing drugs. It's the hypocrisy I can't stand. And the REAL conservatives, the REAL Republicans, the REAL christians must be having a far worse time than me trying to deal with these hypocritical scumbags. I never liked them, but when they're the champions of your cause, it's gotta hurt.

I'm serious about Rick Santorum by the way. I have no doubt he will eventually be revealed to be into some REALLY sick stuff. When an evangelical minister does crack with a gay escort, nothing is impossible.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Melbourne by night

I'm in the middle of taking a week off work right now. My relaxation mode has spilled over into my blogging. You may have noticed. I'm not dead- simply resting.

I will still be posting. Like right now. Just maybe not with the regularity and depth/length that I usually do. I've also been making less angry videos - it's amazing how much screaming at a camera interferes with relaxing.

I've been shooting some scenic videos around Melbourne actually. As the weather gets better you'll be seeing more of this fair city. Here a video I shot in the city centre the other night.

I'm thinking of doing some more with that ferris wheel - it's really trippy. Maybe I'll do some to camera stuff with the shirting lights behind my head like some sort of acid trip halo. Yeah, that oughta get me arrested.

Monday, September 03, 2007

A Cry For Help

Sometimes when I'm jumping randomly through videos on YouTube, I like to play a game I call "Committed to character or a cry for help?" It's a game the whole family can play. The rules are simple. You find a video where the person in it seems a bit "out there". Then you try to guess whether the person is really committed to a character they're playing or if you're witnessing a desperate cry for help.

It may not surprise you to learn that this game is born out of reactions I often get to my videos. It never ceases to amaze me how many people there are out there who have concept of what a character is. They see me say certain things in a video and believe what they have seen is literally me. Despite obvious pointers that this is not actually "me" (like I'm wearing a weird fucking mask) these mental midgets pass sweeping judgements on who I am.

By the way, I'm not talking about judgements like "this is a person who likes performing"... "this is a person who likes creating characters"... "this is a person who like using comedic exaggerations to make points." That would actually qualify as insight.

I'm far from the only one subjected to this sort of stupidity. One individual who springs immediately to mind uses the name "Daxflame" on YouTube. This is a truly bizarre character but I find myself admiring the guy's dedication to his trade. Check his YouTube channel if you want to see some weird, almost inexplicable, shit. The guy is obviously playing a character (although hell if I know what he intends to do with the character) but he continually gets comments from people who clearly believe they are seeing a real person rather than a character.

The video performances that I find funny are the ones where the person is giving away far more than they realise. They aren't playing a character as such but they are telling you a lot more than their words alone say. These are people who strike me as distinctly lacking in self-awareness, I doubt they understand how clearly they are broadcasting their true motivations and indeed, their true selves.

One who got me thinking about this was a guy who'd had a video taken down for being "offensive". It finished with a shot of the Koran in a toilet bowl covered by a huge shit. Seriously. It wasn't a special effect. This guy eats his fibre. He made a video protesting the takedown where he literally could not finish a coherent thought. I'm sure he'd say it was because he was so angry at what he saw as injustice. Me, I think he's the type who has trouble forming a coherent thought on a good day.

So join the craze that's sweeping the nation! Get on over to YouTube and play "Committed to character or a cry for help?"

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Comment ratings on YouTube

YouTube recently made a series of changes to their commenting system. Any long term YT user will know what that means. They fucked the comment system beyond all recognition. I don't think YouTube have ever managed to change the comment system without screwing it. Then they have to apply fixes until they sort it out.

This time was probably their biggest fuck-up ever. That's a big call but they really borked the system totally. You literally can't see follow comment thread. Answering comments actually results in the comments no longer being visible. The "view all comments" function doesn't... ummmm... function.

BUT they've done one good thing. They've introduced a ratings system for comments. Anyone familiar with Slashdot, Reddit or Digg (among others) will be familiar with this concept. I'm really hoping this concept takes off with users, to me it's the ultimate way to do with haters.

Comment ratings make blocking and deleting comments superfluous. If you've worked to develop a community then the community will vote down idiots. You have an adjustable filter that lets you set a threshold for what you see - when a comment gets sufficient downvotes it becomes "invisible" although you always have the option to see the comment if you really want to.

I like it because it takes the power away from random idiots and gives it to the community. Of course cliques can develop and people have a tendency to downvote comments simply because they disagree with them. People are people and people are imperfect. But haters are fuck-heads and I'll take any weapon I can use against them.

It turns out that surprisingly few people on YouTube were familiar with the concept of comment ratings, so I did this instructional video to help out:

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Copyright Bullshit

I frequently get worked up by the way big companies take an extreme position with regards to copyright. As a creator of original work (in my own modest way) I'm not a fan of people making money from the work of others without fair recompense to the originator. But some of the practices of media companies are simply fucked up.

My personal pet hate is being subjected to anti piracy messages when I'm at the cinema or watching a DVD I've bought. Listen up you fucking geniuses: if I've paid money to watch the fucking movie I'm not a fucking pirate so your fucking anti piracy message is a waste of fucking time and nothing short of insulting. JUST FUCKING STOP IT, OK?

And I've never understood the way they go after their most loyal fans. You literally can't buy the sort of rabid fandom that makes people want to promote music, TV shows and movies to all and sundry. Yet when people make fan tributes the copyright lawyers go after them like a pack of hyenas.

Their biggest target these days is YouTube. Partly because there actually is a lot of infringing material on there. Partly because it's owned by Google and Google's billions make them a prime target for lawsuits. And honestly, I think a big part of it is jealousy. None of these fucked-up companies has a clue on how to launch a successful online video site. It's way easier to sue a success story than succeed on your own.

By now the apologist are gearing up to leave comments saying how the media companies are in the right, they're protecting their property, people are stealing their content online. I don't fucking care. You know why? These companies are liars, hypocrites and thieves.

The poster child for aggressive legal action in the name of copyright protection these days is Viacom. They have a billion dollar lawsuit pending against YouTube (which they're going to lose - big time.) They go after people at the drop of a hat. And it doesn't seem to matter to them whether they're right or wrong.

You'd think if they were going to go after other people so aggressively for copyright infringement, they'd make sure they were squeaky clean themselves, right? Wrong. VH1, which is a Viaom channel, run a show called "Web Junk". In this show, they post online videos with what they think is witty commentary.

But they don't get permission to run these videos which is textbook copyright infringement (you don't have to assert copyright - simply creating something gives you copyright over it). Case in point is Christopher Knight. He details in a post on his blog how VH1 used a video he'd created on their Web Junk show. They didn't even ask permission, let alone pay for the right to use it.

Turns out Knight didn't mind. He was actually flattered that they thought his work was worth showing. He put a video up on YouTube showing his material being used on Vh1. And Viacom had the audacity to issue a takedown notice to YouTube. For copyright infringement. These people deserve to have a rabid chipmunk rectally inserted. In fact, these sick bastards probably already do that sort of thing for fun.

This bullshit has got to stop.