Monday, January 12, 2009

Stick crotch

I haven't railed angrily at any of life's little injustices recently but holy fuck I'm angry right now! I am a creature of habit with many things but particularly with food. If I find something for lunch that I like I tend to get it reasonably often. Knowing I'm going to enjoy food is more important to me than variety.
One of my favourite lunches near my current workplace is relatively simple. It's a wrap: marinated chicken cooked on a grill with bacon, cheese, pineapple and salad wrapped in toasted flat bread. This was my lunch today. It was a taste sensation as usual. What wasn't usual was when it dumped a load of food juices right in my crotch. Gross, sticky and embarrassing. Because it's all over my fucking crotch.
I tell you, if I'm going to end up with sticky juices covering my crotch I want them to get there the fun way!
What really pisses me off is this only happened because they changed the fucking packaging! Prior to today, the wraps always came in these touch paper bags. The yummy fresh food and sauce alway runs out of the wrap because it's hot. This bag NEVER let the sauce escape - I guess it was treated somehow to not go soggy.
Today the wrap comes with a continuous piece of paper wrapped around it. This has two effects. One, it's harder to unwrap and get at my food. Two, IT DUMPED THE FUCKING FOOD JUICES INTO MY FUCKING CROTCH!
I don't want to hear that I should be more careful or eat it over a plate or any common sense shit like that! I fucking hate it when somebody changes something that works as a cost cutting measure (probably) and introduces a fucking problem that didn't exist before! FUCK!
The one saving grace is I'm wearing dark pants (like I do 90% of the time at work) so I just spent a few minutes at the bathroom sink splashing water on my crotch trying to get the sticky stuff off. I never thought I'd have to say that again. Then I used the hand dryer to try and dry my pants (I learned through experience to not use paper towel - then your crotch is covered in white fluff). So I'm essentially dry humping the hand dryer like Mr Bean and of course someone walked in. I acted casual and pretended there was nothing wrong with my posture.
FUCK I am in a bad mood at the moment!

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