The REAL Secret is The Promise

If an ominous voiceover told you there was a FACELESS CONSPIRACY running your life, would you be scared? ProductCorp want you to know the ULTIMATE SECRET! You are beset by a NAMELESS FEAR. You know there must be a FACELESS CONSPIRACY holding you back from everything you want. But now, ProductCorp PROMISE a CURE for your FEAR. The secret is, with ProductCorp's PROMISE - you will get everything you want. We promise. By sending us ACTUAL CASH you get all the benefits of out Promise.

We Promise to keep promising. For as long as it take to get all of your ACTUAL CASH! If things don't change right away for you, all that means is you need to keep sending CASH. And we will keep promising. That's a Promise you can take to the bank. Which is where we will be taking your CASH.

That's our bank, not yours. It's in the Cayman Islands. It's very nice. If you send us enough ACTUAL CASH, we'll send you a postcard. We Promise.

Seriously, send your payment to
GPO Box 3290
Melbourne 3001 Australia
And we'll send you either the Box of Wonder or The Book of Truth. You know, if you're very easily fooled. Or want a weird souvenir.