You know what I haven't done in a while? Have a good old fashioned rant about how gross it is to share the toilet with people at work. That's what I'm doing today because of these two horror stories.
First up, one that's about as gross and unforgiveable as they come. I just went in to avail myself of the facilities and was greeted in a cubicle by a scattering of used toilet paper. And I'm talking bearing horrid orangey-brown stains used. Motherfucker! What sort of fucking animals am I working with?
Now don't get me wrong, I know sometimes accidents happen. Paper goes astray. But pick it up for fuck's sake! Some of it had fallen a little behind the seat so maybe a really stupid person could have missed it. But some of it was between the seat and the fucking door! The filthy bastard would have had to step over it to leave the cubicle!
What was he thinking? That it was too gross to pick up? Hey, it's your shit, sunshine! How fucking gross do you think it is to other people? Animals! I'm working with fucking animals!
The second one is just weird and disconcerting. I took pictures to show how weird. Also because I'm kind of fond of the camera on my new phone. Don't worry, the photos are safe for work viewing and not particularly stomach-churning. The first photo is obvious enough. This is a toilet cubicle. But what is that little thing towards the top of the picture? The thing I have marked with an arrow for your convenience?
Allow me to zoom in and reveal the horror to you.
That, my friends, is a tube of moisturiser. In a toilet cubicle. There's only one reason I can think of for someone having a tube of moisturiser in a toilet cubicle. And I don't want to think about it. Some freak in the office spends so much time jacking it that he keeps a tube of lube handy.
I swear, I am never shaking hands with anybody in this fucking place again.