Monday, July 07, 2008

Why I'm better than you

I have now reached 800 blog posts in less than two and a half years. In the same time period I've uploaded about 650 videos to YouTube. There's quite a bit of crossover between the two, i.e. some videos have used blog posts as scripts and some blog posts have been little more than the posting of videos. But all in all, it's an accomplishment that I would have doubted I would reach before I started.
I have often used these types of milestones to reflect on what I've learned so far. Today I've been considering all the people I've pissed off by daring to have an opinion. And you know what? I'm better than them. By and large, I'm better than every person who's ever been wound up by something I posted online. I say that with no irony whatsoever. They suck and I rule. They are full of fail and I am full of win.
How do I justify this conclusion? I could easily rest solely on the abundant evidence of my supreme awesomeness. Anyone who would even consider gainsaying the overwhelming rightness of my anger is clearly a loser by definition. But why stop there? Instead, I shall bury the doubters, haters and trolls with my infallible logic. The following list shows the common denominators shared by every single person I have managed to piss off online:
1. They do nothing None of my haters have contributed anything of value online. They don't maintain their own blogs. The don't create videos. All they do is occasionally vomit out drive-by abuse. And they think that puts them on an equal footing. This is because they are stupid.
2. They are insecure One of my favourite things has been to deliberately provoke insecure people. I pissed off people on the left and people on the right, atheists and religionists, young and old, people from all walks of life. I've also gained fans from all these groups. What the difference between the fans and the haters? The haters are so fucking insecure they can't see the slightest challenge to their desperately clung to world-view without collapsing into a gibbering heap of reactionary stupidity.
3. They are frightening intolerant These people can't even conceive of co-existing with someone who doesn't conform to their rigidly constrained views. The violence of their response to differences (of opinion, lifestyle, etc.) can be truly breathtaking. On occasions when I've seemed like that it doesn't count because I'm actually right.
4. They have tiny little penises Including the women.
5. They don't get irony

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