The Worst Sort of Communism

One thing that makes me angry regularly is having to put up with the grossness of communal toilets. By this I mean shared toilet facilities, either in a public place or at work – all the cubicles in a row together. My mother taught me to share but this is the best example I can think of for the argument that sometimes sharing is not a good thing.

Sharing toys at kinder: good. Sharing pooty noises and smells: badbadbadbadbadbadbadbad.

I think it’s worse at work than in a public toilet. If you’re out somewhere at least you don’t know the disgusting animal in the next cubicle. At work, when you hear the evidence at disturbingly close range that your workmate had a bad curry last night or isn’t getting enough fibre in their diet... Well, you can pretend not to notice, but you do have to keep working with them.

If it’s me having the problems, I hate the fact that anyone else knows this about me so I refuse to leave the cubicle until everyone else has left. This can take a long time when different people keep coming in to the toilet while you are in progress. Especially if someone is making worse stink than you in another cubicle. I decide I can’t stand it any more and get up to leave, always wondering does the other person know the rules? Do they know they’re not allowed to get up until I’ve left?

Then someone comes in while I’m washing my hands and they do a double take at the hideous stink and you know they’re thinking it’s you. Even if it was you it’s important that you blame someone else. This is where I hold my nose and point at the still-closed cubicle door. The perfect crime.

Any workplace that had a clue would forget worrying about if enough people had private offices and focus resources on creating private toilets instead of communal ones. A series of individual unisex rooms that a cleaner goes into every time someone comes out – no nasty surprises for the next arrival that way.

Instead of dealing with important issues like this, people spend their time worrying about things like pay rates and holidays. Why can’t people get their priorities right?