Saturday, November 25, 2006

Public dickheads

I've been touristy things today, taking the kids from rides on olde tyme steam trains. So besides having toxic levels of soot in my system, I'm pissed off from having to deal with dickheads in public. I don't know if you've had the experience but for me, whenever I'm at a tourist attraction there'll be some wanker who shoves their way past you to take the advantageous spot you've scored for yourself.

They don't do anything extremely physically violent, you know, nothing you can have them arrested for but they're really fucking obnoxious. Basically, they do something beyond the normal bounds of decency and your only choices are to let the fuckers get away with it or call them on it which inevitably leads to an ugly confrontation. These pricks don't have the decency to be openly and honestly aggressive with their fuckwittery - they do their passive-aggressive shit and act like they're doing nothing.

That's what pisses me off the most - the type who acts like a really obnoxious prick but does it in a way that they think gives them "plausible deniability". When you call them on it, they act like it's you who has a problem. They go through life playing on the fact that the vast majority of human don't want unnecessary trauma in their lives. When some obnoxious fucker gives you static you're more likely let them get away with it than invite even more shit upon yourself. These bastards are in desperate need of a smackdown.

The funny thing is when two of them clash and inflict their stupid shit on each other. This happened to me one time in the line at the supermarket. The two fuckwads in question seemed really different; one was early twenties and the other was late fifties or early sixties. But what they had in common was their identical fucked up personalities. Basically they both realised they were going for the same spot in the same line from different directions and so they actually ran. They raced each other for the spot in line.

They still ended up reaching the line at pretty much the same time. So with no clear winner they both made it clear they were utter losers. There was pushing and shoving (nothing aggressive enough to actually be called a fight) and some boisterous words. Then one of them actually started trying to drag others in the line into their stupid shit, saying: "He's an idiot isn't her?" At this point, I lost it and said in a rather direct and forceful tone (some wussies might have called it shouting):

"WHAT? You want us to take sides? You expect US to decide which of you is the bigger dickhead? Because if that's what you're after, I can't do it. I've been watching the two of you in action and I can't separate you. Congratulations, you're co-winners of the dickhead of the year award. Now take this shit the fuck away from decent people you cretinous sacks of shit."

Or at least that's what I was thinking as I paid for my 40 litres of high-caffeine cola.

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