More stupid recruiting questions

I swear I'm going to kill one of these recruiting agencies soon. Most of them are fine. Helpful, even. But some of them need some sense slapped into them. Slapping them may not actually make them any more sensible but I'd sure as hell feel better afterwards.

My pet hate this week is when they ask questions for which the answer would be obvious if they'd apply even a shred of intelligence. I'm a contractor. Which means by definition I work somewhere for a fixed period of time and then I leave. But these idiots insist on asking why I'm finishing a contract. Because the fucking contract has fucking finished OK? Can I make it any clearer?

To be fair, it is possible for a contract to finish early because of a bad experience. Either the contractor or the employer may have decided to end it early because of dissatisfaction. But I tell these morons I signed on for 6 months and extended my stay to over two years. But they still ask why I'm leaving with a tone in their voice that suggests something must be horribly wrong.

OK, you got me! I embezzled millions and got found out. I murdered the auditors who discovered my scam but it's only a matter of time until the bodies I stashed in the stationery cupboard start to smell. I have to get out now!

The other thing they do is hassle me to start a new contract straight away. Is this person's planning so bad that they REALLY need someone to start tomorrow? I explain the situation to them:

"I promised to give four weeks notice."

"Why does it have to be so long?"

"We negotiated that term so that there wouldn't be a major disruption to either party."

"But this employer only wants to talk to people who can start straight away."

"So he's only interested in unemployed people?"

"What?"

"The only people who can start straight away are unemployed people. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with unemployed people. But you're saying that gainfully employed people are automatically precluded from this role. That doesn't sound like a smart selection criterion to me."

This led to an extended silence until the recruitment gimp came back with:

"Couldn't you just walk out?"

"Despite the fact I gave my word about a notice period?"

"Yeah, you're a contractor, you could just walk out."

"So you're suggesting that I should start my professional relationship with you by doing something really unprofessional to someone else?"

"Well, yeah."

"I'm hanging up now. Don't even think of calling me back until you understand why I can't do that."

Call me crazy but I have a hard time entrusting my fate to a stranger who wants me to screw over someone I already know and like.