Sunday, December 31, 2006

Marketing worthless crap

As usual, the TV has provided me with ample reason to be angry. Advertising in particular gives ample fodder for an angry life and not big things like sexist ads of the encouragement of over-consumption. It's the small thing that make me want to pound the responsible marketing slug's face into some concrete until it cracks or they learn the error of their ways. I'm pretty sure the concrete would crack before one of those fuckers would change.

The object of my anger today is advertising for cleaning products. Stupid fucked-up advertising for cleaning products usually falls into one of two categories: disinfectant thingies that try to convince you that that you're surrounded by germs and you'll die immediately if you don't swab/spray/soak with this product and some minor "improvement" to a traditional cleaning product that you can't possibly exist without.

It's actually the second sort that annoy me the most - the ad tends to show people struggling with an old mop, broom or vacuum cleaner and their life is clearly miserable. All of civilization is being held back because of this archaic device. People's home's are not clean enough! We are being repressed by dirt! The only thing that can save us is this... thing. Why this makes me angry is I really fucking hate having my intelligence insulted.

I can imagine the conversation at EvilFuckers International Advertising Inc when they have a new product:

Senior Executive: Billy, we've got an exciting new project for you!

Junior Executive: Sounds great JT! What is it?

SE: You're developing the campaign for the new Ultima 3000 Cleanovator.

JE: Hmmm. Looks like a map.

SE: This is going to revolutionise mopping.

JE: I'm not sure mopping needs a revolution - mopping just kind of... works.

SE: That's why this is so exciting. For you. You need to convince people they absolutely need this product. Or you're fired. And you know what happens if you're fired.

JE: You'll eat my soul?

SE: Hahaahahaha. That's why everyone loves you Jimmy, you're funny. No, no, no. We ate your soul when you started working here. No, if we fire you we'll eat your head.

JE: Oh, great. Well, let's go with the Ultima 300 then. Awesome.

SE: Awesome!

I'm sure it goes almost exactly like that.

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