This is still a respected foreskin blog. And I have a sexy ass.

I had pretty much decided what I was going to blog about today (broadly, it was Googlejuice) but there was not a lot of anger in my thoughts. Then, right on cue, some utter dickweed happens along and leaves an astonishingly ignorant comment while masquerading as the voice of reason, objectivity and intelligence. Just the sort of bullshit hypocrisy to get my blood boiling.

The doofus in question was compelled to take me to task over a post from May last year: "Not without my foreskin". Nothing inherently wrong with taking me to task - it clearly should happen more often. It's just that this dick (pun intended) didn't merely miss the mark, he couldn't hit the mark with a laser guided missile. It starts with his primary problem of being seemingly unable to understand that IT'S A FUCKING JOKE! It then continues with him sanctimoniously taking the moral high ground (a sure-fire way to piss me off), mixing in stupid new-age crap (ditto) and trying to connect completely unrelated issues.

My first point to this dickhead would be: Don't try to equivocate on the validity of anger with someone who bases his whole persona on the expression of anger. No fucking headway to be made there. Second, trying to equate female genital mutilation with male circumcision is both inaccurate and offensive. Female genital mutilation (removal of the clitoris), when it is practiced, is specifically about the idea of repressing sexuality. Male circumcision has no such associated intent (not since Dr Kellogg, anyway). And stating that is was common for American doctors to perform this procedure (EVER, let alone "not so many years ago") is a complete fucking lie.

In short, a dickhead made a stupid comment. But this fits in with my original idea for a blog post in that the reason said dickhead found me was my Googlejuice. Google still tends to rank me as one of the top two foreskin blogs. I could retire tomorrow and be proud of that accomplishment.

Another unexpected (to me) statistic is that I'm now getting hundreds of search engine referrals a day for porn related terms. This is because of my utterly gratuitous use of sexual terms in post topics, notably: anal sex, virginity and "sexy ass". Since posting that joke video of my sexy ass on YouTube I have been showing up on the first page of search results for the rather broad term "sexy ass" (even without putting quotes around the words).

So there you go. According to Google I have one of the sexiest asses in the world. And we all know Google is never wrong.

Occasionally, I use this great power for good rather than evil. True, this is rare but I do it every now and then. One instance of this is the series of posts I'm doing on the 2007 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I was surprised to notice that I was showing up on the first page of results for "Melbourne Comedy Festival" on the strength of some posts I wrote about last year's festival. I knew my friend Adrian Calear was directing some shows in this year's festival so I thought I'd write about them and see how far I could push the Googlejuice. I'm doing this for three reasons:

1. I think the material will be entertaining for readers
2. Helping a brother out. If the foolishness that is my blog can help out a friend and some up-and-coming talent then that's a good thing.
3. I want to see how much I can improve my search engine ranking when I try.

"Melbourne Comedy Festival" seems like valuable keywords to me given that the festival is a commercial venture. It's easy to get high search engine rankings for obscure terms like "moroccan chocolate" but when it's for terms that are actually valuable to people the fight gets a bit tougher. This could be a pivotal case study in my quest to actually make money from blogging. If I can feature prominently when people search for information on a major international festival that's gotta be worth something.

Plus, if Wordpress ever allow AdSense then I'll make a fortune from porn referrals.