Monday, June 18, 2007

Is God an IT Consultant?

Having stirred a few creationists on YouTube lately, I got to thinking about the modern creationist's favourite weasel words, "intelligent design". Intelligent? You think? What part of disease, famine, war is intelligent?

All of which reminds me painfully of many IT consultants I've had to work with over the years. These people are employed because of their supposed expertise. They're paid a fortune. And they manage to fuck things up over and over.

OK, a brief disclaimer here. Technically, I'm an IT consultant. So if you're one and you were thinking of taking offence, don't bother. You're obviously one of the good ones. Like me.

The bad ones certainly act as though they think they're god. Just try questioning one of them. Righteous hellfire and brimstone is sure to follow. I'm starting to suspect this is where intelligent design proponents are coming from. Actually, they could probably get me on their side if they started pushing a "god as IT consultant" theory.

It would certainly explain a lot. If you ever got to question god on why so many aspects of creation are so utterly fucked up, the response would be along the lines of: "well, it was designed according to the spec. Technically, there's nothing wrong with my design, it's your implementation that's the problem."

This is pretty close to the explanation I was always given at catholic school. Everything good = god. Everything bad = satan and the wickedness of man. Which always struck me as a bit of a cop out. Fluffy bunnies, cute babies and beautiful sunsets are because god loves you. Horrible things like disease, genocide and really bad TV shows happen because you're wicked and you deserve it.

When it comes down to it, I have no problem with the concept of divinity or some sort of higher plane of existence in the afterlife. It's just that I think using this as an excuse to interfere with my life here and now is fucked up.

The idea that any sort of supreme being could possibly give a shit about whether or not they have my adoration and supplication makes no sense to me. The idea of inflicting eternal damnation on a lesser being is the product of vain human thinking, not the wisdom of a deity.

Judge me on whether or not my actions help people here and now, that I can deal with. Judge scientific thinking on its merits, don't ban it because it offends the magic guy in the sky nobody can see.

And if god really is an IT consultant, we should have read the fine print in the contract. Because there are a hell of a lot of bugs that still need fixing. Does anyone know the number of the help desk? I tried calling the pope but he called me a smartarse and hung up.

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