Wednesday, May 10, 2006

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I was reading Mutant Cat's blog and decided I could one-up her on the attention grabbing post title.

So aside from silly search engine manipulation games, I wanted to alienate some readers today. Well, actually I don't really want to alienate readers but I suspect my angry rant today can't help but put some people offside. The reason is statistically, it's a safe bet that at least 25% of people reading this blog are smokers and there's no nice way to say this: smoking is really fucking stupid.

I recognise that the previous sentence is technically inaccurate: there are potentially many nice ways to say smoking is stupid. Fucked if I can be bothered coming up with one though.

Smoking is expensing, stinky, disgusting, insulting and offensive to people around you, destroys your quality of life and ENDS UP FUCKING KILLING YOU! Usually in a slow, painful, disgusting manner. There is no rational defence to smoking. It isn't a personal choice that you should have the right to. Unless you want to limit your smoking to a closed room somewhere AND NEVER FUCKING DO IT IN PUBLIC WHERE I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT! Seriously, if you want to assert your right to smoke do it in your own home and don't interfere with my fucking right to breathe!

And fuck the idea of smokers' rights! What about axe murderer's rights? Axe murderers kill way less people than smoking (like, several million less) but the law is all over axe murderers. The best I can hope is that bans on smoking in public places continue to spread. Count yourself lucky smokers, axe murderers aren't even able to indulge in the privacy of their own homes without "the man" getting all up in their face.

The only downside to banning smoking in public is that prohibition gives it an aura of rebellion. To really fucking stupid people. I might add that these stupid people are often very intelligent in almost every other aspect of their life but they make this one really dumb choice. I remember a quote from Timothy Leary where he said something along the lines that when he was once told it was illegal to smoke in an airport, he blew smoke in the person's face saying he was "proud to be a criminal". And if I'd been there I would've been proud to smack him in the fucking mouth for saying something so irredeemably stupid.

If you want to make me really angry, proclaim that you're a radical lefty while smoking. Yeah right, you're radical. While supporting some of the biggest most corrupt corporations on the planet who kill people with their lies, coerce third world farmers into growing the cash crop of tobacco rather than food that might actually keep people alive and refuse to accept their moral responsibility for marketing a product whose sole side effect is death. There is no safe level of smoking.

The only justification I'll listen to from a smoker is "I got suckered into smoking and now I'm hopelessly addicted to this disgusting habit and I'm incapable of giving up." Anything else is bullshit. And the only justification I'll accept from someone who insists on screwing up public spaces with smoking is "This is a suicide attempt - I want you to strangle me."

12 comments:

zenstar said...

i'm afraid i'm obliged to comment just to up your anger levels.
you see: i am a smoker.
(and i lose another reader of my blog.)
you point out a whole bunch of very good reasons not to smoke, and you're quite rabid about it.
interesting thing is this: obesity kills more people every year than smoking.
you may find my smoking disgusting, but you can avoid it 90% of the time due to the currently in place laws against public smoking (well.. you can here in sa),
but i find obese people stuffing their face disgusting, sickening even. so if smokers have to be walled off in glass cubicles in restraunts, then obese people should be stuck in opaque cubicles.
i agree with you: smoking is a bad, disgusting habit that has a side effect of death.
but obesity is also disgusting and has the side effect of "kills more people than smoking" and "breaks chairs". at least smokers are less destructive (and we don't take up two seats on the plane, even if we're jonesing for a fix).
plus there are more obese people than smokers (primarily because many obese people also smoke in spite of nicotines appetite suppression. imagine is it didn't supress the appetite...)

well... that should fuel a little ranting :)

Michelle said...

Yeah there's nothing to be said about someone who blows smoke in your face, smokes in a small enclosed area so everyone has to breathe it in, smokes while people are eating except for that they are a selfish fuckwit asshole. I'm not buying any of that poor persecuted smoker thing, or that they're expressing their freedom shit, they just fucking shithead.

Mr Angry said...

Yes, I did rant long and hard about smoking. You might recall I also ranted about the correct way to hang toilet paper. I'm not about to stop readin your blog, dude.

But to address a few of your points. Yes obesity is gross and quite possibly more widespread than smoking. It is a very serious health issue but I think the claim it kills more people than smoking is a little dubious. Although I'm not sure. I did a quick search and it's a case of lies, damn lies and statistics. One study says smoking kills more, another says obesity does.

They're both unhealthy.

And you don't like looking at gross obese people when they eat. Fair call. Close your eyes or look away and the problem's gone. If i close my eye around smokers I'm still choking on their smoke.

Besides that - there's the residual effect of smoking. My hair/skin/clothes all stink if I'm subjected to smokers. The equivalent residual from eating is if I crap on your head. So count your lucky stars.

I know smokers are developing a siege mentality but for god's sake, don't make the mistake of taking anything I say seriously.

Unless it's the stuff I really mean.

Mr Angry said...

Hey Michelle, you jumped in while I was writing me essay to zenstar. Nice to see a kindred sould :D

zenstar said...

you forgot to mention the point that an obese person could accidently eat you if you walked too near their pasta.
i find that far worse than smelling of smoke. imagine passing through the intestinal workings of an obese person...

oh btw: quick trick for not being bothered by clothes smelling of smoke: become a smoker. it dulls your sense of smell and taste.
(i quit for a while once [or twice...] and within a few days i was smelling and tasting everything... sometimes i prefer not!)

Mr Angry said...

Yep, never get between them and the buffet zenstar. Also, denail seems to be a good way to cope with the negative effects of smoking.

zenstar said...

no it isn't!

The Comment Pimpette said...

I just quite almost 3 months ago now. I started at the age of 14, smoked pretty heavily that first year, and btw the ages of 15 and 18 mostly socially.

19 and onward I was a regular smoker - a pack a day to 1 and a half packs a day. I had always tried not to smoke in public (unless I was at a bar).

I enjoyed smoking, honestly, I didn't want to quit. I watched a loved one on a ventilator for over a month and she died from chronic obstructive disorder. That wasn't enough motivation to make me quit. I tried, but I couldn't.

It was after a third friend had been diagnosed with chronic obstructive disorder that I finally said this is it - want to or not - I'm sick of cigerettes having this much control of me.

Well, my point is that even when I was a smoker - I always said that they should quit selling cigarettes. We have less smokers these days only because more people are quitting but we have just as many people starting to smoke, so all of this information on how bad smoking is is just not keeping people from starting up smoking.

And, I would be just as happy if they would stop selling all this junk food as well ;)

allmylovins said...

sorry zenstar...one persons smoking can give another lung cancer but you cannot get obese by having lunch with an obese person. Obesity only kills those that choose that lifestyle not the innocent. My intestines to not digest their food, and my lungs should not have to clean the air you are polluting

Mr Angry said...

Pimpette: When my firstborn arrived, the hospital's maternity and heart/lung centres were side by side. People often forget smoking causes heart disease as well as cancer. One day I saw this person from the heart ward almost dragging themself and their drip out to the balcony TO HAVE A CIGARETTE! Some people won't quit no matter what.

allmylovin: good point. I think zenstar was making a joke with the obesity reference - poor persecuted smokers don't want to be the only bad guys. Plus zenstar showed he's clearly not in denial.

zenstar said...

to make my statements clear:
i'm not in denial, nor have i ever been or ever will be. i do not even recognise the existence of denial.
of course smoking is bad.
you'd have to be an idiot to not recognise the fact. if you smoke you roll the dice.
if you get snake-eyes welcome to the wonderful world of not being alive.
problem is its highly addictive and smokers who try quit have a couple of reactions:
1) getting fat. turns out smoking keeps your body flooded with adrenalin which helps keep your weight down (along with appetite supressing qualities)
2) and this is the kicker: grumpiness. smokers get highly irritable when they quit.
its not an easy habit to drop. the whole ritual of the thing eventually becomes part of the addiction and you find yourself wondering what's missing while you sit back with a cup of coffee. your hand seems empty and you don't know what to do with it.
i've tried quitting a few times. as someone famous once said: quiting is easy, i've done it hundreds of times.
the main problem is that when put under pressure a smoker needs a cigarette. to successfully quit a smoker needs a long period of time without pressure. tell me where you can find that time in today's world.
and the other problem is this: while it may be disgusting and lead to all sorts of nasties, its also good. you either get it or you don't.
if you don't like it you probably never will (like asparagus).
but if you like it then you don't know the sweet sweet forbidden fruits of coffee and cigarettes.
so i say "fie on you strumpet!" because i've pretty much said all i want to say and couldn't think of any form of summation, so i distract you with a shakespearian quote and run!
*runs*

Mr Angry said...

No argument that quitting is hard zenstar. Herion junkies get grumpy when they try to kick too. Don't even get me started on ice users.

With smoking, the addiction is chemical, social and even physical. If you smoke 20 a day and do the hand/mouth motion 15 times per cig, that motion happens around 300 times a day. And heaps of people smoke more than 20. What else do you do hundreds of times a day?

Oh, and the "good" part? That's the chemical addiction. It gets a strong enough hold on you that you can ignore all the horrific and obvious negative effects. Any substance addict feels "good" when feeding their addiction.

Yoinks and away! (that's daffy duck, not shakespeare but it's all I could come up with)