Working With Animals

No, I'm not a vet. I work in an office. Theoretically with grown-ups. Suits, ties, the whole shebang. So why is it that people at this supposedly refined end of the workforce are such filthy fucking animals?

If I was working with, say, inmates in an asylum for the criminally insane rather than white collars "professionals" I'd have lower expectations. But for fuck's sake, what the hell is wrong with these people? Why do people think it's reasonable to leave a trail of filth and destruction in a space they are sharing with other humans? Is there a part of their brain that is missing? Do they have some sort of mental blinkers in place that let them go:

"When I walk away I can no longer see this filth I created. Therefore it no longer exists and I don't have to worry about it."

Or are they simply stupid? Is it a goldfish memory problem - forgetting things 5 seconds after they happen? By the way, I know the concept of goldfish having a 3-5 second memory span has been thoroughly debunked, but how did someone even come up with that concept? This is what I picture: they told a goldfish "Your name is Ralph" then waited five seconds and shouted "Hey Ralph, come over here!" When Ralph didn't respond they assumed it was because he had forgotten his name. Science triumphs again!

Forgetting about goldfish (get it?), let me catalogue the sort of behaviour that makes me so angry:

The kitchen sink: Every workplace has some sort of kitchen area, even if it's only a place to make tea or coffee. And every workplace has people who dump their crap in the sink instead of cleaning it and putting it away. Knowing full well that the following statement is totally sexist: YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T WORK HERE! And of the off chance you mother does work here she has given up on cleaning up after you. Do it yourself goddammit!

And if you happen to be lucky enough to have a dishwashing machine in your workplace, that doesn't solve the problem either. The filth-beasts do one of two obnoxious things in this scenario: they still throw their stuff in the sink instead of the dishwasher or they literally throw their stuff in the dishwasher instead of stacking it properly WHICH MIGHT ALLOW EVERYBODY ELSE TO PUT THEIR FUCKING DISHES IN AS WELL YOU IGNORANT BASTARDS!

And that isn't even the really troublesome end of the spectrum. Feel free to skip the next couple of paragraphs if you are easily disgusted. Now we get into how filthy people can get in a workplace toilet. We are beyond simple issues of etiquette here. I've listed various toilet rules you should respect to be civil, the following are things you have to obey simply to be human.

Toilets are stinky gross places where horrible pooty things happen. There's no getting around that. But what the fuck is up with supposed human adults leaving shit-stains on the seat? Skid marks on the bowl are bad enough but nobody seems to clean those off. But the seat? What sort of animal leaves shit stains on the seat for the next person to find?

And worse still, THE WALLS?!?!?!?!?!?! This has happened in multiple workplaces I have occupied. Every now and then, somebody smears shit on the walls. What the fuck is going through someone's mind when they smear shit on walls? The seat has a sort of logistical/accidental element that may excuse it but the walls is a deliberate act! Despite the fact smearing shit (or snot - that happens more often) on walls is unforgivably disgusting - it doesn't make sense! So you got shit on your hands, so what? What do you think the fucking paper is for?

I have to admit one of those "loss of innocence" moment in my life was when a female cow-orker complained of this happening in the female toilets. Men are almost universally of the opinion that women are wonderful clean creatures while men are smelly and disgusting. Girls don't fart or poop. That's our illusion and we're happy with it. To hear that this basest level of behaviour is exhibited by women as well as men... it was almost too much to bear.

Right, I'm going to have my lunch now.