Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Who has the angriest blog?

I've been very happy with the growth of my blog so far. My measure of success (at this point) is that I'm happy with the quality of my writing, I'm maintaining daily posting and I'm getting readers. All of these are going well. Actually, I want to give another thank you to my readers and commenters - I had no right to expect to get such dedicated readers and the positive feedback I receive is both immensely gratifying and a real stimulus to constantly improve.

But it wouldn't be so good for my readers if I was too happy would it? This is not the sunshine and flowers blog, it's the angry blog - Mr Angry want to stay angry 365 days a year. Becoming the number one foreskin blog was a true honour but I was essentially ego-surfing Google and found I don't even figure on searches for "angry blog". This is more than a failure on my part - this is a crime against humanity.

It wouldn't be so bad if the other blogs were actually angrier than me but some of them aren't angry at all. It is clearly my duty to be even angrier. I never actually go hunting but right now I am dedicating myself to a virtual hunting trip. I will hunt down every so called angry blog that doesn't deserve to be called angry, get them in my cyber cross-hairs and blow their virtual brains out. Which is to say two things, I'm going to be focusing on being even angrier and I'm going to spend more time promoting how angry I am.

Because that's the sort of guy I am. Angry, shallow and vain. As John Lydon said "Anger is an energy" and it is my goal to spread the angry meme far and wide across teh internets. One thing that is important to me is also to promote the difference between productive anger and moronic behaviour. One example: railing against how mind bogglingly stupid other drivers are = good. Actually attacking someone in a road rage incident = bad. Stupid. Fucked in the head.

Road rage has apparently recently been diagnosed in some circles as an illness: Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). I am going to sue the people promoting this because they stole it from me. I diagnosed IED years ago but in my study it stood for Idiotic Example of a Dickhead. I had this crazy idea that doctors have enough work but apparently they have to keep creating new diseases because they cured cancer years ago. The real idiocy of this is the claim of how widespread it is - up to 16 million Americans are suffering from IED apparently. Listen, they aren't suffering from an illness - they're fuckwits who need a smackdown. Cut loose Chuck Norris on their arses and give them a sense of proportion.

It's sad when you can't out-parody reality. I keep hoping each of these new "diseases" is an April Fool's joke but sadly that's hardly ever the case. Apparently these idiots are serious.


allmylovins said...

Mr Angry, I'm becoming concerned that your blog is working too well. When Mr Angry starts a blog with "I've been very happy with the growth..." and the growth is not of manly body parts - sweetie, that is not angry. angry does not mean happy. It sounds to me like you need to update to the "Happy Blog". Should we we all need to hold cyber hands and sing a little song. Please don't tell me your going soft? (in the anger area, just for clearification)

Michelle said...

You know, you remind me of Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged from the Hitchhiker series. He was an immortal being who was so bored with life he made it his life's mission to insult the world, in alphabetical order. I'm not sure what made me think of him but it was something you said.

Mr Angry said...

allmylovins: two penis joke in one comment, nicely done :) You are a wicked, wicked woman.

Michelle: anything that links me to HHGTTG is good.

pigeon weather said...

a search for 'angry blog' came up with several items - maybe you could do a review of your competitors sometime and smack them down to where they belong, reclaiming the top google spot for angry blog

Mr Angry said...

Tom: that is my plan. One by one I shall strike down the unworthy.