Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Bosses: How Angry Are You Making Your Staff?

I was discussing the various anger-inducing boss traits with former team member (FTM) and how we both continue to rank job incidents by how they compare to the truly hellish work environment we shared a few years ago. We have a scoring system named after our former boss which I probably shouldn’t use here.

The odds against her ever reading this are astronomically high, but a more realistic issue is that using her name would make it easier to identify me. Given that there is a very small/incestuous job market in this city for contract IT workers and given that I’m likely to slander more people as time goes by, I think it’s best that I stay anonymous.

So in looking for a substitute for her name, the first thing that sprang to mind was “Satan”. But I think this name is taken.

I’ve decided to go with “Croc” as a reference, as in “that was a real Croc statement”, “I’m having a Croc of a day”, “That scores a 7.8 on the Croc meter”. For those who don’t know, a crocodile kills you by grabbing you in its jaws so you can’t escape then rolling repeatedly in the water until you drown or your spine snaps. That is what dealing with a bad boss always feels like to me so Croc seems apt.

So for all aspiring bosses, here are some sure fire ways to make your workers angry:

  • Giving no clear direction ahead of time but not hesitating to tell people they are wrong afterwards: Score 5 on the croc meter
  • Going through endless iterations/document reviews without ever committing to a decision: Score 7.5 on the croc meter
  • Saying something is wrong when it was your suggestion in the first place: Score 9 on the croc meter
  • Denying that the error was yours in the first place, even when the canny worker has preserved a paper trail to prove this: Congratulations, a perfect 10

Maintain this sort of behaviour and you will be guaranteed hordes of angry, bitter, resentful workers. Then you just have to focus on crushing their spirit so they don’t have the will to leave or challenge you. The perfect way to a compliant, low-achieving workforce who will never be a threat to you.


Evi said...

Have you ever had a chance to visit Despair Inc. @ despair.com? I don't know you at all (I was just passing through)but I have a feeling you would get therapy from their mockery.Browse the whole site, there are things to see throughout. They are a real cynical website absolutely full of great sarcastic motivation for the workplace.
Have you ever heard the term 'crock of shit'? I believe it compliments your 'croc' scale well. My boss frequents a 10 on your scale often if you care to know.

Mr Angry said...

Sadly Evi, my posts are not fiction. They are all too real. Or at least "inspired by true events" as they like to say in hollywood.
Thanks for the tip on despair.com too - the demotivators are a thing of beauty.

Evi said...

I hope you weren't thinking I thought your croc scale was a 'crock of shit' ...oh no...I just thought that my boss was a crock of shit because he was so high on your croc-o-meter. I love the croc-o-meter. Hail power to you!

Mr Angry said...

Thanks Evi, I took your comment in the spirit it was intended - no worries.