I was discussing the various anger-inducing boss traits with former team member (FTM) and how we both continue to rank job incidents by how they compare to the truly hellish work environment we shared a few years ago. We have a scoring system named after our former boss which I probably shouldn’t use here.
The odds against her ever reading this are astronomically high, but a more realistic issue is that using her name would make it easier to identify me. Given that there is a very small/incestuous job market in this city for contract IT workers and given that I’m likely to slander more people as time goes by, I think it’s best that I stay anonymous.
So in looking for a substitute for her name, the first thing that sprang to mind was “Satan”. But I think this name is taken.
I’ve decided to go with “Croc” as a reference, as in “that was a real Croc statement”, “I’m having a Croc of a day”, “That scores a 7.8 on the Croc meter”. For those who don’t know, a crocodile kills you by grabbing you in its jaws so you can’t escape then rolling repeatedly in the water until you drown or your spine snaps. That is what dealing with a bad boss always feels like to me so Croc seems apt.
So for all aspiring bosses, here are some sure fire ways to make your workers angry:
- Giving no clear direction ahead of time but not hesitating to tell people they are wrong afterwards: Score 5 on the croc meter
- Going through endless iterations/document reviews without ever committing to a decision: Score 7.5 on the croc meter
- Saying something is wrong when it was your suggestion in the first place: Score 9 on the croc meter
- Denying that the error was yours in the first place, even when the canny worker has preserved a paper trail to prove this: Congratulations, a perfect 10
Maintain this sort of behaviour and you will be guaranteed hordes of angry, bitter, resentful workers. Then you just have to focus on crushing their spirit so they don’t have the will to leave or challenge you. The perfect way to a compliant, low-achieving workforce who will never be a threat to you.