Friday, April 28, 2006

No More Green Crap

It's all well and good to address politics like I did yesterday but I don't want to forget about the important things. I started this blog to rant about all the little things that make me angry and I have another one to tell you about today.

We all have dreams of what we are going to do when we win the lottery. They often involve big houses, fast cars and island paradises. For me, there is a simple plan. I'm going to open a restaurant. This restaurant will right an injustice that has been allowed to carry on for far too long. This restaurant will be called: "No More Green Crap".

This may require some explanation. I am not one of those men who think salads should only be seen on "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". "No More Green Crap" will serve both salad and vegetables. But when you get your food, THERE WILL NOT BE A HANDFUL OF GREEN CRAP SPRINKLED OVER IT! This has been a bugbear of mine for years (seriously, people are embarrassed to go out to dinner with me). It recently jumped into the forefront of my thinking when the site I Hate Cilantro was brought to my attention. It's good to see people fighting the good fight all around the world.

I actually had to look cilantro up to be sure of what it was. In Australia we call it coriander. I'm not sure if the fact this site focuses solely on cilantro means that's the only topping you're subjected to in the states - if that's the case, you're lucky. In Oz, we are subjected to an endless variation of gratuitous green crap on top of otherwise perfectly good food. It might be parsley, shallots, spring onions, oregano.. sometimes I'm sure it's fucking grass clippings.

occasionally, when I have resorted to physical violence in a restaurant, people have suggested I should calm down and maybe pick the green crap off my food. Wee that's bullshit. It isn't as if the menu mentions they're going to sprinkle green crap on my food. That's false advertising. And as for those sad and twisted individuals who think this actually makes food better, they should have to ask for it as an extra. I shouldn't have to remember to say "If my food comes out with green crap on it, I'm going to stab you in the fucking eye with this fork."

I haven't said it for a while, but this is a serious question to the restauranteurs of the world:

What the hell is wrong with you people?


Evi said...

That is so peculiar...that they do that...would you take a picture of it and post it? I seriously would love to see how they present that. Do they sprinkle it all over the whole meal? How much do they sprinkle? I'm serious.
We only ever get that parsley here in Canada, apparently it's supposed to provide a tactful way of leaving something behind on your plate so you don't look like a pig when you scarf the whole meal down. It's a waste of good farm land if you ask me. My mom eats it. Bitter crap!

Mr Angry said...

Hmmmmm, A photoblog of things that make me angry. That has potential.

rina said...

That green crap is supposed to provide that touch of class to one's meal. Not everyone can handle that. Parsley - cleanses your breath. Looks pretty on the plate too. It's so good for you! I just wish they'd wash it before they put it on your plate. I hate parsley with sand.

Mr Angry said...

Ahhhh, a touch of class. And here's me thinking when the food's good you don't need any superfluous crap on top.