Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I'm a Little Bit Different

But not necessarily in the way you were thinking. I work in an office environment and I don't drink coffee. This is not unique but from my experience it is a little out of the ordinary. What makes me more different is I substitute hot coffee for cold carbonated caffeine carrying beverages. Lots of it and icy cold (preferably in a tall glass filled with ice - even in the middle of winter). I won't name the particular product here as they don't need the free publicity. If I become incredibly famous I'll sell my drink endorsement to the highest bidder.

And I seriously drink too much of it. Think of how much you would consider too much and I probably drink at least twice that. I know it's unhealthy (at least I drink a sugar-free variety) but it isn't as if coffee is nature's greatest health tonic. Anyway, what makes me angry is the stupid comments this little bit of difference generates. Just the other day I was getting a can from the fridge at around 10am and one of my cow-orkers said:

"Geeze, it's a bit early in the morning for that, isn't it?"

Now, by 10 in the morning, some people are on their 3rd coffee and nobody will notice. But apparently I can't have one can of cola. Actually, it was my 4th for the day, but he didn't know that when he made the dumb comment.

An extension of this is that, by and large, I don't drink alcohol and I never drink beer. As an Australian male who grew up in a country town, this makes me a bit of an aberration. This attitude is best summed up in a quote I saw somewhere (I think it was from Shakespeare):

Q: What's an Australian male's definition of a poofter?

A: Any bloke who likes women more than beer.

Sad but true. Where this attitude has prompted some truly stupid comments is when I have been in pubs that serve beer by the pint - in Australia these are often called "English-style" pubs. Two examples of what has happened when I wanted to join in the fun so ordered a pint of lemon, lime and bitters:

1: "Gee, you must be thirsty." Yes, because beer is not a liquid so there is something truly wrong with me ordering a pint of some sort of liquid.

2: In a venue that touted itself as "a posh pub" - "The manager doesn't want us to serve non-alcoholic drinks in pint glasses because it isn't posh." Yes, because serving beer by the bucketful is ever so posh.

I swear, even though, according to Homer Simpson, everybody listens to me because I'm a white male aged between 18 and 50, sometimes I can't help thinking Damn, whitey is keeping me down!


Evi said...

Ice...and lots of it...usually people ask if I need a little pop with my ice at get-togethers.
That's why I dig you...a pop person...just like me.
I've had to curb mine down due to a caffeine/sugar induced rapid heart rate.
Like you care...

Mr Angry said...

Of course I care evi! I had to change mine to sugar free a few years ago to lose weight. I think I'd die if I had to give up the caffiene though. I get people to back off criticising my ice addiction by telling them I got the habit from my mum (which is true). Then they can't criticise the ice without criticising my mum!

moonflake said...

falls over laughing
adds blog to favourites

Me said...

what popups are you talking about?" cause i really dont want any either

Niels said...

Not liking coffee? Check.
Drinking a lot of it? Check.
Even in winter? Check.

Damn drink snobs/snob drinks.

Michelle said...

I pretty much do my caffeine intake with coffee, about 4 during the day I think, I don't know I don't usually count. As many as it takes to get to beer time :)

Mary Joan said...

In the American south, no one would look at you funny. They'd ask you to get them one while you're at it. Coke used to have an advertising jingle that went "I want a Coke in the morning." They're based in Atlanta, GA, USA, so maybe it's all a conspiracy. My office mate pops one open by 8:30 every morning, and drinks it over ice as well. I try to hold out until 10:30 or 11:00 just 'cause I know I will be chain drinking them once I start. I prefer diet extremely cold in the can, or better yet, bottle - fizzier that way.