Friday, April 07, 2006

Use the Proper Words!

I’m serious, just learn the proper words. I’m not talking about slang, I’m not even talking about the rather creative way rappers keep inventing words – that’s fine, people make up new words all the time. It’s a living language.

But taking a perfectly good word that already has an accepted meaning and changing it arbitrarily, that’s just wrong. A sin against nature. And I found when I visited the states, If I use a word correctly instead of following the American vernacular everyone looked at me like I was the weird one. And you know the one word that really got to me? The one word that was guaranteed to make me angry?

Biscuits.

I’m not talking about how Americans insist on calling them cookies. Like I said, I’m all for making up new words. Call them cookies, eaties, jabberwockies, I don’t care. Snoop Dogg can call them bizzles mah nizzles – it’s all good.

So, they call biscuits cookies, but THEN they call scones biscuits. You can’t do that! What the hell is wrong with you people? “Biscuits” already has a definition. You can’t go around randomly reassigning words – the fragile threads that hold society together will snap! We’re all going to descend into a pit of anarchy because the goddam Americans can’t use the English language properly.

I’m serious – it’s the first sign of the Apocalypse: randomly reassigning words. It’s all there in Revelations. Structured language is what separates us from the beasts people.

We lose that and it’s all downhill from then on.

9 comments:

Michele said...

OMG! It's so funny because I never even knew that a cookie was called a biscuit and a biscuit a scone until I was a teenager. Us poor uncultured Americans. ;) I love your sense of humor... "bizzles mah nizzles"... too funny!

Mr Angry said...

Yes Eminem is not the only white boy with a talent for ebonics. I think he may be angrier than me, though.

And I love your recipes!

Anonymous said...

I am Canadian and I just thought I would point out that scones and tea biscuits are actually two distinctly diifferent things from each other. This may make angrier people even angrier to discover this truth, thus I post anonymously...

Anonymous said...

Way too funny...as soon as I published this and sent it I went back to your blog to take another peak and boy am I ever glad I was anonymous! You continued to post on scones/biscuits and I almost felt your rage rattle through my computer monitor.
I will pray for your internal battles before I sleep tonight...

Mr Angry said...

I will do you the small grace of wondering what the hell a tea biscuit is before I hunt you down and inflict the most severe of punishments...

Anonymous said...

I shiver in fear as I begin to suggest that you add to your list of wonderings another scone/biscuit type quick bread called 'bannock'...
In my experience Americans don't know the first thing about baking scones...they kill them...they SHOULD be the superior of the three, served with tea. Tea biscuits, though also light anf fluffy with only a few ingredient differences need to be served with gravy or a meal, never just tea. Bannock...well I don't touch them...maybe I've never enjoyed a properly baked one yet but they seem to be more akin to...american scones.

Maria said...

I've always called them biscuits. Thats what we're taught in schools here. How could they butcher the English language like that! This is unacceptable! *shakes head*

mooncrazy said...

Then you must go mad when us Americans call a "barbie" a "barbecue." Oh wait, maybe it was you blokes what changed that, eh?

Mr Angry said...

Well you see, "barbie" is slang, and I've clearly come down in favour of slang. Plus its derivation is quite obvious. It's misusing words that have a defined meaning that gives me brain trauma.